Secret

Oh, the comfort - the inexpressible comfort of feeling safe with a person - having neither to weigh thoughts nor measure words, but pouring them all right out, just as they are, chaff and grain together; certain that a faithful hand will take and sift them, keep what is worth keeping, and then with the breath of kindness blow the rest away. ~Dinah Craik, A Life for a Life, 1859

I like her because she smiles at me and means it. ~Anonymous

Someone to tell it to is one of the fundamental needs of human beings. ~Miles Franklin

When something is missing in your life, it usually turns out to be someone. ~Robert Brault

Once the realization is accepted that even between the closest human beings infinite distances continue, a wonderful living side by side can grow, if they succeed in loving the distance between them which makes it possible for each to see the other whole against the sky. ~Rainer Maria Rilke

You cannot be lonely if you like the person you're alone with. ~Wayne W. Dyer

How lucky I am to have something that makes saying goodbye so hard. ~From the movie Annie
I have been reading the book Secrets to Lasting Love by Gary Smalley trying to glean some tips on how to ensure that my new-found love will last a lifetime. I have no doubts that it will but I want to be equipped with the keys that will keep troubles at bay. I know that I have found the one that I will spend forever with and I feel safe in my relationship already. The book teaches skills that help couples reach a new level of intimacy that will withstand the highs and lows of life and will ensure that the marital bond is strong.

The key to this bond is strong and intimate communication skills. This journey of deeper levels of communication does involve opening ourselves up but this is done in a safe environment because once the end is reached the rewards far outweigh the risks involved. There are five levels of communication: speaking in clichés; sharing facts; sharing opinions; sharing feelings and sharing needs.

Speaking in cliché’s is something that we all do, surface talk. We talk about how we are doing. Sharing facts involves talking about the weather, what happed at work and anything that does not involved too much deep thinking or feelings. Sharing opinions is when we discuss personal opinions, concerns and expectations. The next level is when we share our deepest and truest feelings with each other. This level is when we feel safe enough to share our deepest emotions with one-another. Finally, sharing our most important needs is when we can share the most intimate part of ourselves and we can reveal what we need in relationships. This level shows that you feel valued and accepted by your mate.

Of course relationships change over time and we move in and out of these levels of communication but we have to ensure that we give each other loving attention at all times. I once read a book that equated relationships to a bank. We make deposits and withdrawals and we have to work at keeping our accounts fully funded and not drain them. We have to share our love because if not then our mate will forever wonder how we feel, never leave any good thing left unsaid. I already feel comfortable enough with my love to share how I feel with him. I am not afraid of what he might do with that nor am I afraid that he will take advantage of that. I fully trust him and know that he is the one that I have searched for my entire life.