Invest

Artwork: Burning Passion by Laney DeGrasse

What have you done today to honor yourself and to build your confidence and self-worth?  Are you taking time for yourself?  Even if it is in one-minute increments, take the time to recharge your batteries and to honor yourself.

Anniversary

Artwork: Nothing Left by Laney Degrasse

an·ni·ver·sa·ry

/anəˈvərs(ə)rē/

Noun

The date on which an event took place in a previous year.

Broken things can be repaired in a way that makes them even more beautiful and valuable than they were before. I have been broken. I know what it is like to feel shame at my weakness, to starve myself to be worthy, and to want to sleep forever. If I had to guess, I'd say you might be a bit broken too. But being broken is not the worst thing. We can be mended. Our cracks can become beautiful. We can be even better than new.  ~Anna White

It’s been my experience that you can nearly always enjoy things if you make up your mind firmly that you will.  ~ Lucy Maud Montgomery

Today marks the one-year anniversary of my decision to take back my power and control my own life.  I decided that I would take a chance to heal, to grow, and to learn instead of just being stuck.  Am I fully healed yet, no, but I am in a better place than I have ever been in my life.  One year ago, I pulled away from a city that was full of heartache and fear—a place that had me trapped in my decisions, I was completely isolated and alone.  I had no support system to make me get out of bed and participate in life.  I was in a very dark place, hoping that I could just disappear and be forgotten--I knew that could not happen but the thought was there.  Facing the decision of what to do and trying to figure out who I was and what I had done with my life was more than I could bear—I did not want to exist.  My saving grace was a very dear friend that said, COME…move here and start over.  Had it not been for her, I am not sure that I could have made it one more day.  BUT one year later, I am a testament of what it means to KEEP GOING when you do not want to go thorough one more day!

This past year has been amazing.  Yes, lots of dark places BUT LOTS of growth.  I now:  love ME for ME; know what it feels like to be completely lost and found again; understand that when I feel that I am NOT ENOUGH, I am lying to myself.  I found my smile, I AM enough, and I have a sense of self-worth that is unwavering.  I love me for exactly who I am, and where I am in my life.  I understand who I am and my value.  No, I am NOT perfect, far from it—I understand that my life is not perfect but I have learned to enjoy each and every single moment that I am breathing.  I take the bad with the good.  I understand that those dark times were teaching me and growing me into a better, stronger person.  I am not ashamed of the decisions that I have made and the things that I have done.  I understand that difficult times end, bright skies are ahead—I changed my thinking and even the dark times are not ‘dark’ anymore.

There have been times in my life when all I wanted to do was complain about my circumstances.  Complaining and drowning in my sorrows only stole my energy and made me unproductive.  Dwelling on circumstances and the things in my life that I did not like only made the situation worse.  When I decided to change my mindset and to enjoy things anyway, my mood instantly lifted.  When I feel frustrations, anger, or resentment creeping into my thoughts I close my eyes and feel them, in that moment, I feel and let them move through me.  When I do this simple thing, I can let them go and think of the good things in my life.  The decision to think about things differently is extremely powerful.  I can choose to ignore or dwell on things that steal my joy or I can focus on the lesson and enjoy the moment anyway.  This converted the dark moments into happiness.  Remember, thoughts lead to feelings and feelings lead to actions and actions lead to results. 

There is always a reason to be happy, even in the darkest times there is a glimpse of light somewhere.  Think about life in useable days; if a person lives to be 90-years-old they have about 32,850 days on this earth.  We have limited time here, our thoughts can either waste those days and make them unbearable or we can decide to enjoy every single one of them.  Worrying and sitting in negative emotions only makes those days difficult, we may not know what we can accomplish but do it anyway.  Changing our thoughts and learning to aim at accomplishing our goals should be our focus, not on self-doubt and fear that we will never achieve something.  Focusing only on the results, life can get dull and we will beat ourselves up for not being where we want to be.  Enjoying the journey makes life interesting and bearable.  We control nothing in this world except for our thoughts and how we react, changing the way we think and our reactions keeps us smiling and keeps us from wasting time.  Some days are a struggle to fight away the negativity but knowing that we have the power inside to change that focus and to bring back the joy is powerful.  Life is too precious to be wasted on negativity so I learn to find joy in every day. Discovering ways to give myself a good laugh tremendously improves my mood.  Laughing resets my mind and body back into balance when the chaotic world tries to ruin it for me.  Laughing is great medicine and it greatly improves health and wellness and smiling just feels good.

I could look back at my life and remember only the times that I failed or I could look back and see all that I have accomplished.  I failed a lot in my life and, at times, I did not receive those failures well. I used to think that failure was some sort of punishment and used that as my excuse to blame everyone for my failures.  Part of my growth has been owning my mistakes and internalizing that failures are part of life and our perception (thoughts) about failure can make or break us.  Failure (for me) no longer triggers negative thoughts, just the opposite.  I see failure as a way to grow and learn, not a reason to get angry and wallow in my sorrows.  Failure does not automatically equate to total defeat but the things that we do after we fail translates the outcome of our future.  I used to run away from failure but this only created a huge hole in my life.  I was not learning.  I was not growing.  I was running and creating a false sense of self-confidence.  It did not serve me well.  When I hit rock bottom, I am quick to remind myself to prepare for what is next and to search for the lesson instead of running away.  I allow those feelings to go through me, I FEEL them and release them.  I look for the nuggets of wisdom and tell myself that this too shall pass.  Successful people are great reminders that failure is a necessary step to enjoy success—not to give up when something did not work out the way that you planned.

I had to stop comparing myself and my life with others, it was a huge thing for me.  That was the wrong mindset because I was looking for validation from sources outside myself.  Behind that thinking was the question, what can I do to make my life look like theirs? What will I get out of it?  Such a skewed way of looking at things.  I was always asking for what the world can give to me or how other people could contribute to my welfare—this made my life less meaningful and very shallow. I had to learn to love myself and to think about what I can do for others--that makes my life worth living.  What can I bring to the world, instead of what can I get out of the world.  If I can I use my knowledge, experience, and power to inspire others that is what will make my life worthwhile. I am not sure if I will make a huge impact in the world but if one single person breathes easier, finds healing, or gets inspired because of me, then I know I have fulfilled a purpose.

I am not certain whether I will achieve my dreams but I can aim for them, I can choose to enjoy the journey, and all of the people who participate in my story.  Yesterday is over and no one can undo mistakes but I see the possibility of tomorrow and learn to become wiser and use them for good.  Tomorrow gives hope that there is a chance to be better and is another chance to grasp prospects that come my way--tomorrow provides an opportunity to rectify mistakes and failures.  Tomorrow is a promise of fresh beginnings and it can be a chance to open a new chapter of life, choose to write it wisely or hold on to the same things that make life difficult. Tomorrow is an opportunity to start all over and heal the hurt and pain of the past.  Tomorrow reminds me that I have the ability to perform better and to let go of those things that no longer serve me.  Tomorrow is a sweet offering but remember that waiting until tomorrow might be too late so, start right now, in this moment.  Be willing to make the effort to reach for ambitions and to enjoy the little things in life.  Be true to yourself, your judgement, and your intuition.  You have a gift, a talent, and a strength that no other person on this earth can share, there is someone counting on you to inspire them.

As a child, I used to think about what I wanted to be when I grew up.  My answer has been different during different seasons of my life but my goals inspired me and fueled me to reach for those impossible my dreams.  I have ambitions, I set big goals, and I exhaust every effort trying to achieve them.  Sometimes they work out and sometimes I have to step back, regroup, and devise a new plan.  It is safe to say that I am a very ambitious person. Those ambitions convince me not to be satisfied being unsatisfied. They slap me with the truth that I have work to do and dreams to chase. They force eliminate the tardy version of myself.  My ambitions also remind me to take action and to hit the ground running every single day.  My accomplishments depend on no one but me, I have to decide to act or to procrastinate.  These dreams are a constant reminder that I am human and as hard as I try to do it alone, I cannot.  There are always people to teach me, to support me, and to inspire me.  I cannot achieve everything on my own, I need others in my life to keep me going and to keep pushing me when I want to give up.  Dreaming is free but accomplishing takes effort.  I may aim for what others might think is impossible but attaining the impossible is not out of reach if we take small steps to make things happen.  Maybe for others it is impossible or ridiculous but I cannot limit myself by their opinions, I have to keep striving and keep going and learn what does and does not work. 

Along this journey I have met some AMAZING people; their stories, strength, and perseverance helped me to get through some of my darkest days.  Those people are not physically with me every day but their love, patience, understanding, and faith continuously lifts me up when my days seem gloomy.  They were given to me for a purpose and their indelible influence in my life will always be there. 

One year ago, I wore a fake smile. NOW, I wear a genuine smile every single day…. from the inside, because I am sincerely happy.  I made it.  I did it.  No matter what life throws at me, I can overcome!  I am NOT stuck.  I AM ENOUGH.  I look in the mirror and say I LOVE YOU because you are strong, you are resilient, and you are YOU!  My intuition works, my judgement is better, and I will not give pieces of myself that are not to be given.

This week, think about those things in your life that are no longer serving you.  How can you eliminate these things and what actions can you take to overcome the obstacles in your life?  Write in your journal about these things and share your comments below.  If you are feeling stuck and are not sure how to start making progress again, fill out the contact form (to the right) to set up your free coaching session.  In this session, we can devise a plan to get your life on track.

True

Artwork: Woman Dancing Alone in the Moonlight by Laney DeGrasse

Am I True to Myself?

By Edgar Guest

I have to live with myself, and so

I want to be fit for myself to know,

I want to be able, as days go by,

Always to look myself straight in the eye;

I don’t want to stand, with the setting sun,

And hate myself or things that I have done.

I don’t want to keep on a closet shelf

A lot of secrets about myself,

And fool myself, as I come and go,

Into thinking that nobody else will know

The kind of man I really am;

I don’t want to dress up myself in sham.

I want to go out with my head erect,

I want to deserve all men’s respect;

But here in the struggle for fame and pelf

I want to be able to like myself.

I don’t want to look at myself and know

That I’m bluster and bluff and empty show.

I can never hide myself from me;

I see what others may never see;

I know what others may never know,

I can fool myself, and so,

Whatever happens, I want to be

Self-respecting and conscience free.

Amazing

Artwork: I'll Regret it Either Way by Laney Degrasse

Remember, YOU are AMAZING just as you are. We are all perfectly imperfect, if someone in your life thinks differently BYE. Do not change who you are just to please others. You are worthy of love, you are worthy of respect, and you do not need anyone to validate your worth. If you are struggling to find your mojo, click the Contact form (to the right) today to set up your free coaching session to learn how we can work together to help you love yourself and to reach your goals.

Transformation

Artwork: I'll Regret it Either Way by Laney Degrasse

Change is a constant force in our lives but instead of viewing change as a negative force, look at it as an opportunity to grow and learn. Transformation can be powerful. Yes, sometimes change hurts but even in those instances we can view it as a positive force that is molding us into a stronger , more resilient person. 

Self-Confidence

Artwork: Shadows by Laney Degrasse

Self care is not selfish, it’s necessary. Self love is not conceited, it is a requirement. Take care of your own needs and love yourself first. Be proud of yourself. Give yourself space and time to grow and train your mind to see your accomplishments instead of failures. Trust your intuition and know that you can handle anything. Let go of self-doubt, invest in yourself, and your mental health. You got this!! To learn about how hiring me as your coach can change your life, fill out the contact form (to the right).

Admiration

Artwork I'll Regret it Either Way by Laney Degrasse

ad·mi·ra·tion

/adməˈrāSH(ə)n/

noun

1. respect and warm approval.

2. something regarded as impressive or worthy of respect.

3. pleasurable contemplation.

ad·mire

/ədˈmī(ə)/

Verb

1. regard (an object, quality, or person) with respect or warm approval.

2. look at with pleasure.

To love is to admire with the heart; to admire is to love with the mind.  --Theophile Gautier

Among those whom I like or admire, I can find no common denominator, but among those whom I love, I can: all of them make me laugh. --W.H. Auden

I have been having a bit of writers block lately, it happens.  When I get the urge to write, one word will often strike me and I will expound upon that word and what it means to me.  When stumbled upon the word ‘admire’ while reading The Grapes of Wrath--if you have never read the book it has been a good read. 

The book tells the tale of the struggles of an Oklahoma family who treks across the country in search of a new life.  Their farm had been taken and they heard about revived hope in California.  The story takes many twists and turns but speaks of perseverance despite the unspeakable adversity the family has faced along their journey.  The word admire came up when the characters are given the opportunity to take some much needed work.  One character says that they would ‘admire’ to get a job.  The word stood out to me because it didn’t seem to fit into the context of the paragraph but when I did some research, I was mistaken.  He ‘admired’ getting a job because with ‘wonder and amazement’ he felt he had been given this opportunity.

I began to think about the connotations of the word in several different contexts and found that admiration is not simply approval but also something that we take pleasure in and/or desire.  I not only care about the people in my life but I also take pleasure in their company.  I have built some very special relationships with my girls and with my closest friends so, I appreciate and admire those people that kept me company and checked in on me during my toughest and lonely days.

I think that all too often these days our society idolizes those who seem to constantly let us down.  I see stories everyday about celebrities who have fallen, broken their vows to their partner, or done something that got them into trouble.  I know that people will disappoint us but why do we look to people in the spotlight and not people who we interact with every day to give our affection and connection?  What is it about celebrity life that we admire and covet?  Stardom and glamour definitely draw us in but why can’t we feel like a star in our own lives?  Is it the monetary value of their worth?  Do you admire yourself?

I once heard, ‘rich is a state of mind not the state of our bank account.’  For me that rings so true.  I am very content with where I am in life but I do not have a bulging bank account from which to draw my happiness from but I do have many rich and fulfilling relationships that bring me joy.  I have never been a lover of money because money changes people.  I might not have the biggest house on the block, the most up-to-date technology, the most beautiful car and/or wear the most expensive clothing but I do not need those things for fulfillment.  In my younger years I did believe that I had to have those things but love does not come with a price tag.  I truly love and admire (take pleasure in) my children, my family, and my closest friends.  I enjoy building bonds and relationships with them.  My admiration does not come from what they can do for me it comes from my complete wonder and amazement of their character.  Another bonus is their ability to keep me laughing, I am a huge fan of having fun and I truly love to laugh with those I admire most.

This week, take some time to think about those that you admire and why.  Write about 10 things that you admire about those arounds you.  I would love to hear about your thoughts in the comments.  If you are interested in building those strong bonds with others, fill out the form (to the right) to set up your free coaching session today.  Let’s talk about how we can work together to help you build those relationships with yourself and with others.

BE....

Artwork: I'll Regret it Either Way by Laney Degrasse

RISE!!

Artwork: Hearts on Fire by Laney DeGrasse

Don’t let your past define you and don’t carry the past into your present or future. Let your past be a teacher not a weight that holds you back. Be gentle with yourself and love yourself right where you are, right now. You made it and you’re still here to fulfill a purpose. Keep moving. Keep going. If you are not sure how, use the link (to the right) to contact me and to set up your free coaching session TODAY!!

Searching

Artwork: Hearts on Fire by Laney DeGrasse

Expectations

Artwork: Hearts on Fire by Laney DeGrasse

ex·pec·ta·tions

/ekspekˈtāSH(ə)n/

noun

1.    a strong belief that something will happen or be the case in the future.

2.    a belief that someone will or should achieve something.

Love does not consist of gazing at each other, but in looking together in the same direction. ~Antoine de Saint-Exupery

If you want to change the world, go home and love your family.  ~Mother Theresa 

I went looking for my dreams outside of myself and discovered, it’s not what the world holds for you, it’s what you bring to it. ~Anne Shirley

Last night during my meditation time, I spent a lot of time in reflection about this past weekend.  Spending time with friends that are more like family than any family that I have had in my life.  Meeting new people, visiting new places, and just plain enjoying life.  I finally feel like I have found my place in life, like I have found my tribe—people that understand me at my core without judgement. People that are there to share the sorrows and tears but also there to share the joys and laughter.  These people have my back, no matter what; there is such a peace in knowing that I am not alone in this world.  It got me to thinking about kindred spirits and relationships.  Relationships are very important in our lives, if a person thinks that they can march this life alone, they are very wrong.  We are relational beings, that is how we are designed so you cannot escape that internal yearning to belong to a tribe or a people that ‘get’ you.  When you meet someone new, we all wear that ‘mask’ to try to fit-in but as the relationship progresses we begin to show who we really are deep inside.  If the relationship is between kindred spirits, then there is not fear of being completely open and transparent.  If the relationship is without true connection, then it is best to keep your secrets to yourself because those relationships do not have your best interests at heart. 

I am going to switch gears and talk about our most intimate relationships with a romantic partner.  Being in the field of study that I am in I understand the anatomy of relationships and how they work.  Romantic relationships go through five distinct phases:  attraction, idealized positive transference (or the honeymoon), reality, commitment, and then eventually marriage.  Of course, everyone wants to be in a successful relationship but how is it possible when there is distance (either physical, intellectual, or spiritual) between you?  Building and maintaining a successful relationship is about commitment with a kindred soul—one that matches your own.  Finding that person might be difficult but when and if you do then you have to have the emotional maturity and the ability to sustain a lasting bond with one another and to let go of the thought that they are in charge ow how you feel—zero expectations.  Relationships need to be cultivated, nourished, and maintained in order to create and KEEP the bond strong.  Having and showing mutual unconditional love to one another is not something that is altogether spiritual nor is it a mystical concept, it is necessary.

When we find that person, we tend to let the frustrations get in the way of loving them unconditionally.  We forget that we had that connection in the beginning and as soon as the ‘warm fuzzy’ feeling that they gave to us wears away, we are not sure how the relationship can last.  As selfish as it sounds, showing unconditional love to your partner is more about YOU.  In the most selfish way, you get to experience feelings that you want to feel and they reap the benefits of your actions of love towards them.  You decide how you think and feel, when we start to think that it is not a choice then we begin to feel sad, angry, frustrated, etc.  Again, YOU chose how you feel, your partner does not dictate your feelings by doing anything.  As much as you feel love for your partner, they cannot MAKE you feel a certain way, that is your job to feel your feelings and control your thinking (thoughts create feelings).  You cannot ask your partner to change anything about themselves in order for you to feel better about your relationship. 

Loving someone is the most amazing feeling that we get to feel but you have to claim that feeling every day.  Loving someone is our choice, we have to decide if we want to feel it or not to feel it towards our partner.  When you have selected THE right person for you then those feelings are easier but if you are with someone because you are lonely or just want companionship then, those feelings are more difficult to find.  When you start getting frustrated about your partner’s lack of something ((s)he does not pick up his socks, (s)he leaves dishes in the sink, (s)he is always late, etc.) or because of something that (s)he did then the truth is that your love for this person is not truly unconditional.  You are putting expectations on this person to MAKE you love them—your thinking is not in line with the true meaning of unconditional love.  When we love someone is not a benefit to THEM, it is a benefit to YOU.  You are in control of those feelings; their actions do not dictate your love.  One of my clients said that she could no longer love her husband because of the way he made her feel.  My question is why are his actions dictating how YOU feel?  Byron Katie says, "I love you and there's nothing you can do about it."  You get to love someone without their consent, you do not stop just because someone did something that did not meet your expectations.

We enter relationships with a list of expectations, needs, and desires then we expect our partner to fulfill those things for us.  When they fall short (and they will) we begin to get frustrated with them.  You get to love someone because that is something that you chose to feel no matter what they do.  Now, I am not suggesting that you stay in an abusive situation just because you love someone—you must be safe from harm at all times!  If your partner is disrespectful, rude, controlling, etc. then you are in charge of how you interpret their behavior and you are responsible for how you respond.  You are the only one in charge of your feelings and if someone is constantly bringing you down then, find out why. You have the freedom to love someone deeply but not want to live with them but you cannot decide that you will be happy if your circumstances change.  If you stay or go, your thoughts go with you and leaving will not change your thoughts but you WILL carry them into the next relationship.

When you have a thought you create a feeling, those feelings create actions, and ultimately results.  If you are living an unconscious life then you will not feel emotions but if you have a thinking brain then you will feel emotions.  Nothing happens in our world that does not make us think and then feel something about that event.  Happiness is an inside job, it is inside you wherever you go your thoughts and emotions are there.  Just because your partner is not there does not mean that you can be happy OR unhappy.  You cannot blame someone else for your unhappiness, that is your responsibility.  You are in charge of your own feelings, do not decide to be happy because of external events or relationships.  Your internal emotions are just that, internal.  You cannot keep changing circumstances to find your happiness, you have to figure out how to feel happy right where you are. 

If you are in a relationship and not ‘feeling love’ towards them are you expecting them to make you love them?  If you are unhappy, why are YOU feeling this way?  Are you putting expectations on them to make you feel something?  Are you expecting them to love you first before you love them?  You get to decide how you feel and if you are not feeling love then it is because of something that you are thinking not because of something that they are doing.  If you are thinking, what is the point of having a romantic relationship if their sole purpose is NOT to make you feel loved?  It does not matter if they love you, that is their emotions to own, not yours; you are in charge of your emotions and how you think and feel.  Your partner’s only job in your life is to be available for YOU to love them, to give you an object of affection, and to build lasting memories together. 

Do not give the power to someone else, be in charge of your thoughts and emotions.  Do not expect them to make you feel love, that is emotional bondage in a relationship.  It can be a huge turning point in your life when you figure out that you are in charge of your own happiness; stop expecting others to meet your needs.  It is difficult to wrap our minds around this concept because we have been taught to have expectations in our relationships but if we continue this thinking then we will continue to be disappointed.  If you are searching for peace in your relationship, drop the expectations and see what happens!  When you stop trying to change your partner and just appreciate them for who they are, your relationship will change.  If you are always trying to control your partner, asking them to be a different person, trying to control them, criticizing them for their behavior, or asking them to do things in order for you to feel appreciated then you have to determine if you are providing those things for yourself.  You cannot manipulate how they feel or act, it is impossible to change them and it is exhausting to try. 

Think about someone in your life that you find difficult to love. Are you blaming them for your lack of love for them?  If you are then you are giving them a free pass to your thoughts, that is not their job to make you feel anything towards them.  When you chose to feel hatred or any negative emotion towards another person then you are the only one suffering the effects of that, not them.  This thinking is based on the false assumption that they benefit from your love.  Withholding love because you fear being hurt is not something that you can control.  To deny feeling a positive emotion (love) because you fear of experiencing a negative emotion (hurt, pain, etc.) does not make sense.  You are responsible for how you feel, as soon as you blame others for how you are feeling, then you lose all power and emotional maturity.  If you want to see personal growth, decide to be in control of yourself. 

This week, make a list of reasons why you are not feeling loved or loving.  What is behind this?  Write down the reasons that your partner or person in your life is difficult to love.  Are you trying to make them responsible for your feelings?  Are you asking them to meet your expectations and needs? 

If you need help finding that love for yourself or need to figure out how to control your thinking, contact me today for your fee coaching session to learn how we can work together to help you find your way back inside.  I would also love to hear your thoughts in the comments.

Domestic Violence

Why domestic violence victims don't leave | Leslie Morgan Steiner

Infidelity

The Other Side of Infidelity | Dr. Kevin Skinner | TEDxRiverton

Passion!

Artwork by Laney Degrasse

Life

Artwork: Burning Passion by Laney Degrasse (C)

Violence

Violence against women—it's a men's issue: Jackson Katz at TEDxFiDiWomen

Think

Artwork: Burning Passion by Laney Degrasse (C)

Purpose

Artwork: Burning Passion by Laney Degrasse (C)

Passion

Burning Passion by Laney Degrasse (C)

pas·sion

/’paSHən/

Noun

1. strong and barely controllable emotion.
2. a state or outburst of strong emotion.
3. an intense desire or enthusiasm for something.
4. a thing arousing enthusiasm.

  

There is no passion to be found playing small—in settling for a life that is less than the one you are capable of living. ~Nelson Mandela

If you feel like there’s something out there that you’re supposed to be doing, if you have a passion for it, then stop wishing and just do it. ~Wanda Sykes

Passion is energy. Feel the power that comes from focusing on what excites you. ~Oprah Winfrey

Every great dream begins with a dreamer. Always remember, you have within you the strength, the patience, and the passion to reach for the stars to change the world. ~Harriet Tubman

This week, I wanted to talk about how to create passion, how live life on purpose.  This is such an important idea in life because many people wait for something outside themselves to happen before they take action.  Passion is an inside job, it is not something that we find outside ourselves.  Finding your passion and learning what drives us to get out of bed in the morning is SO important otherwise, we are dreading Monday morning or any day of the week because we are just existing.  Passion is a skill that we teach ourselves, living our dreams instead of doing what is necessary.  We have to teach ourselves to live each day on purpose.  Many ask, HOW do I FIND my passion?  How do I get passionate about my life?

There is a ton of information out there about finding your passion and finding your purpose but much of that information is about finding something outside yourself to give you that passion, fire, or drive.  Finding purpose outside of our self is easy but if you are truly trying to feel better about yourself and your life, things outside of you will never give you that fuzzy feeling long-term.  Sometimes these external things will suffocate you and will actually steal the joy that you once had.  We are born with an innate gift, a purpose for our existence.  If we are constantly putting ourselves down then we will squelch our drive and lose sight of the ultimate goal.

This is what we do in our relationships, our jobs, our hobbies, etc.  We get that ‘warm fuzzy’ and think that this external thing will give us that feeling forever but when the spark withers, so do we.  Your job will never make you truly happy.  Your partner will never make you truly happy.  Your hobby will never make you truly happy.  All of these things have frustrating moments and frustrating times.  If you are trying to generate happiness and passion from external things then you will eventually feel lost and unfulfilled and give up.  If you find ‘that’ thing that generates passion deep inside you then you are one step ahead of the game but if you expect to KEEP that drive and passion then you have to do the work from the inside out.

First, think about where does your passion and drive come from and what is it?  What does that passion feel like?  Does it make you excited and enthusiastic about life?  Does it make you feel alive?  Do you feel the drive in your gut, in your head, or in your heart?  Does this passion motivate you?  Passion is a feeling, an emotion.  Emotions and feelings are not permanent residents, they change over time.  If you stop that FEELING then you start beating yourself up and then your passion and drive go down the tubes and you will give up.  If the passion is something that is intrinsically motivating us, something that is natural then it just happens.  True passion is not something that goes away when we get frustrated or angry.

Think about it this way, when you met your partner or landed that ‘dream’ job the passion was just THERE.  You did not have to do anything to make yourself get goo-goo over it or anything that you had to do to be intentional about making things happen.  Over time, we get frustrated, angry, bogged down with the negative stuff and that goo-goo feeling goes away.  This is the time that we have to really THINK and be clear about our passions.  If you felt that fuzzy feeling in the beginning was this feeling really a passion or just an excitement about something new?  If you have lost that spark, make a list of the reasons.  Why have you lost it?  If you write these things down, you might truly see why your passion is gone and why it left?  Was it an external feeling in the beginning or something inside that motivated you?

Natural passions are automatic, it is internal programming from our brains that tells us THIS IS IT!  I am passionate about learning why people do the things that they do and why they act in a certain way.  I have trained my brain to understand these things, I research, I read, I think about these things constantly.  I think about these things enough that I automatically know the reasons for someone’s actions--well, to some degree, not all human actions are the same but you get my drift.  It is natural for me to think in this way, it is my passion and purpose in life to help others to understand their motivations and to understand what drives them.  If we constantly and consistently think a certain way or think certain thoughts then we begin to believe them.  We will experience the emotions behind those thoughts (thoughts create emotions) and it will be natural, with very little effort to feel alive.  We have to take deliberate actions to create this thinking in order for them to become automatic.  At times, we have to consciously create our thoughts until they are ingrained in our being.

If you are wondering where that passion went and at what point did I become lost, you have to first understand why.  As I mentioned before, make a list.  Are your partner’s habits that were once ‘cute,’ just an annoyance now? Is your job something that you dread because there is so much aggravation attached to it now?  If you are constantly thinking negatively, find out why but do so without judgement.  Think about your current beliefs attached to this ‘thing’ that once was a driving force in your life but now just seems like a chore.  Why has this ‘thing’ become such a thorn in your side?  Why did you lose the passion and drive?  In order to understand why you are feeling stuck, you have to figure out what got you stuck and why your thinking changed. 

Think about your perfect life and WHY you feel like this would be perfect for you.  If there were no doubt that you could achieve this life, how would that feel?  What would you be doing?  What do you truly want in your life and how does that look and feel inside your body?  If you remove all doubts, what would success look and feel like to you?  If there were no obstacles, what great things could you achieve?  Thinking in this way opens your mind to living your dreams. 

If you can change the way you THINK about things then it opens up new and exciting possibilities for you and your life.  If you still have fears and doubts, do it anyway.  If you approach life with new thinking then you will see everything differently and live your life on purpose.  Think amazing thoughts and ending possibilities instead of self-doubt and fear removes the obstacles in your mind and the rest follows.  Of course, our mind does not like change so this will take some time to really get ingrained in your psyche but keep going, keep training your mind to think differently and explore those possibilities.  Our minds like to feel like they are safe, we are built to be consistent and live in patterns but we can train our brain to evolve if we learn how to manage our thought patterns. 

We can create these new thoughts but first we have to think about what we really want, how we want to feel, and what our passions are and how they will be a driving force in our lives.  Thoughts and beliefs create momentary happiness but if we study our thought patterns then we will be able to imagine the possibilities ahead of us.  Think about a time when you cannot WAIT to get out of bed in the morning.  Think about the passion that feeling had on you, what it felt like, and why. Think about the enthusiasm that burns inside when you find your WHY.  When you think thoughts that generate passion then you will start living in that feeling and practicing those things.  Remember, that in the beginning of this process it will not be natural to think in this way but you have to make it a habit and practice it in order for it to be natural.  If you make negative thoughts and complaining a habit, that is what your body will feel every day.  If you make positive thoughts and passion a habit then THAT is what you will feel and that is what your mind will think.

It may feel weird or awkward at first but keep practicing until it is natural and effortless.  You may stumble but do not give up!  You will eventually feel confidence and that will change your life.  Your self-worth will return, you will not feel stuck, you will have self-discipline, you will feel power, and all of these things create passion.  Achieving your dreams matters!  Everything that you want in your life is achievable as long as we change how we think and changing how we think will ultimately change how you feel (thoughts create feelings).  If we accept that the reason that we do not achieve things is because we are not good enough, do not have the resources, it will be too difficult, etc. then we have lost sight of our passion and life will feel like drudgery instead of fulfilling. Do not miss out on this beautiful thing called life because you are afraid to fail or are not sure how or where to begin.

This week, journal about:

• What is your passion?
• What does your perfect life look and feel like?
• What can you do to make this happen?
• How can you change that self-doubt into a purpose?
• How can you overcome fears and do it anyway?

Live your life on purpose instead of just reacting to what life throws at you!  Be willing to do the work and put in the effort to create your life, show up everyday to create that life.  If you are not sure where or how to begin, contact me today to set up your free coaching session and to learn how we can work together to make that happen! 

On a side note, I will be posting some free stuff here very soon, first will be a FREE journal for my readers.  Lots of exiting thing coming so, stay tuned!!

Fearless

Artwork: Waves Of Life by Laney Degrasse (C)

L have learned that my gut usually is a great guide.  In what ways do you trust your gut?