Promise

Promises are the uniquely human way of ordering the future, making it predictable and reliable to the extent that this is humanly possible. ~Hannah Arendt

This morning I was out for my run and listening to my IPod when the song by When in Rome (The Promise) started to play. The all to familiar piano began to play and then the words…When you need a friend, don’t look to a stranger….began to ring in my ears. After all of the turmoil that has happened in recent months/days I started to really think about what a promise means to me. Of course the textbook definition is that you are giving someone assurance that their expectations are based upon and telling them that something will be done. It gives someone the assurance that they can expect things from you in the future. Naturally, this is all based upon the trust that has been built within the relationship and if the trust is eroded away then it is difficult to base anything on simple words that are spoken in the wind.

I heard recently that people will show you who they are—believe them the first time. This says to me that you should base your trust on how people act rather than the words they speak. I am the type of person that trusts from the onset of a relationship and as time goes along either the trust is eroded away or it is built stronger. Trust is the foundation of relationships, with that everything else seems to fall into place. When trust is compromised then it is hard to truly have a meaningful relationship. Trust is something that is also very complex when it is broken. When you breech someone’s trust in you then you have to be open to being untrusted and questioned when they don’t quite believe you. Romantically trust is essential when in mixed-company. I am not at all against my man having a relationship with another female but if I do not feel secure in our commitment then it is hard to find the trust that is needed to feel assured that nothing will happen.

I guess when you have your heart broken and your trust repeatedly trampled it makes one skeptical about what the meaning of the relationship truly was. Does one believe the words that are spoken or do you trust what your eyes have seen? Do you simply forgive and forget or can’t you be allowed to feel hurt and anger for wrongdoings? It is OK to question when trust is broken but when your partner feels as though they have done nothing wrong then you have to question their true feelings. I think that true feelings are born out of complete honestly and openness at all times. People are faulty and do make mistakes but when they are not willing to admit and discuss then they have alterer motives. Some people do not have the governor in their brain to feel guilt because their self-righteousness gets in the way. For others it is just easier to move on to a new and fresh relationship rather than endure the difficulties of repairing the damage. Either way it is taking the easy way out. If you constantly take the easy way then your relationships will always be shallow and meaningless. Personally, I want a relationship that will endure the test of time and when the heat is on instead of running for cooler pastures it stands the test of time. When problems arise I want to circle the wagons and bring them close to me rather than hold them at a distance!

My whole motive for writing this blog was about my own commitment and how when I say that I will do something I will follow through. When I make a promise I keep it no matter what. I have learned over the years that people are way more appreciative when you say that you cannot rather than if you say you can but don’t follow through. I base my relationships upon the actions and commitment TO those actions…that’s how the foundation is made solid! I think that when I was a child it was difficult for me to understand that and I used to say ‘yes’ to everyone. I learned some valuable lessons the hard way….never doing that again! I have to learn to stop being so gullible because it has gotten my heart broken one too many times. I think that you can love someone but not give them everything up front. Take it slow….learn their character….watch how they act….READ their history! It’s the dawning of a new day for me, standing at the crossroads waiting to take that first step. Granted right now they will be slow and controlled but I will step out on that limb again….and be a smarter, stronger person because of the lessons learned in the school of hard knocks!