Listening

A good read....

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Listening Between The Lines ... Part 1 Yates Here How to improve your listening skills. What does it mean to listen? It's understanding the meaning of another person's words – and the ideas and feelings behind them. Over the generations, many words have changed meaning. Gay for example has changed meaning several times in the last 30 years. The primary key to effectively listening and thus influence over yourself and others is to look for, explore and question words which could have multiple meanings. In many cases, you are hearing ONE WORD and have your OWN meaning and the speaker using the same ONE WORD has a different meaning and your communications is thus distorted at a minimum and may be totally disconnected at the worst. One of my new soccer players came up to me last weekend as we were meeting to go to our game. This young man has been in some trouble. He is living with a Doctor who assisting him. I met with the Doctor and we talked about the day, his ranch, his dog and the upcoming match. He thanked me for working with the young men, most are over 21. Later, when I was speaking with the player after the game while we drove 3 hours back home, he ask what the Doctor had said about him. I asked what do you mean? He said, you know, what negative things. I did not answer right away. I decided to question more and see if I could assist the young man. He proceeded to give me details of his adventures with drugs and the law. Then I said, "Let us go back to your original statement. You assumed that the Doctor and I were discussing you and your personal life. We were not. He never mentioned anything POSITIVE OR NEGATIVE about you. However, by your question, you have expressed beliefs not only about yourself but others around you. As a result of the question, you expect others to have a bad impression of you and you expect to defend yourself. THINK, Why would anyone ask that question? Were you listening to yourself as you read the above? Listening is not the same as hearing or reading. Hearing is only part of the process. In fact, people who lip read or use sign language are often very good listeners! A person with good listening skills: CONCENTRATES on the speaker INTERPRETS the Speaker's Words EVALUATES ALL their meanings AND thereby RESPONDS more effectively We spend about half of our waking hours listening to people – face-to-face, by telephone, or radio or TV. AND, most of us do not listen as well as we could. Why is good listening so important? Because with good listening skills you can accurately respond. That means you can: make better use of your time avoid confusion and mistakes improve your business and personal relationships In business, good listening can result in a new idea, higher morale, improved performance – and the chance of more business which leads to more security, benefits and compensation! At home, you can create stronger bonds with family and friends. They would know that will listen – and care. At play, it can help getting more out of games music theater TV – anything involves list i.e. people! And … When others know that you listen, they will be more likely to listen to you! Learn more… Some myths about listening "listening doesn't require any effort" On the contrary – effective listening takes work and concentration. Listening is a lot harder than talking! Most talking is a reported playback. Effort is required to understand what the other person is really say so we can respond with it being totally automatic i.e. reported playback also. "You are either born a good listener or you're not" Listening is a skill, not an inherited trait. Anyone can learn to be a good listening. "If you have to ask questions, it shows you weren't listening." No, it shows you are interested – a want to be sure you understand what was said. "We were taught to listening in school." Not really. We had to listen in order to learn, but few of us were taught to listen property. "It's not polite to listen" It is more than that. People who listen politely often don't listen at all. But, listening effectively shows consideration for the speaker and yourself – because you benefit, also! Think about it. You cannot listen and talk at the same time. And you can only learn by listening. There is no input to you when you are talking except your own input. Maybe that is why people talk to themselves. More in the next newsletter. Your Guide To The Future You Create Yates J (Kala) Canipe, PhD Speed Selling Too