Falure

/ˈfālyər/

noun

1. lack of success.
2. an unsuccessful person, enterprise, or thing.
3. the omission of expected or required action.
4. a lack or deficiency of a desirable quality.
5. the action or state of not functioning.
6. a sudden cessation of power.

antonyms: success

If you want success, you need to double your rate of failure

A man is not old until regrets take the place of dreams.  ― John Barrymore

No. I didn't fail a thousand times. I learned a thousand things that didn't work. --Edison

Let’s retrain our thinking....failure is not a bad thing, it is a learning opportunity. Yes, failing hurts and often feels like a defeat but learning to process and FEEL those feelings is never a bad thing. Train yourself to process those feelings and learn how to use them in your favor rather than holding on to them and allowing them to become a permanent resident. Don’t stuff them, allow them to flow through you and find something positive in every situation. Not all of our hopes and desires are meant to BE in our lives, these are temporary circumstances showing us that it is not meant for us. 

Probably one of the most important parts of life is figuring out how to own negative emotions. The ability and willingness to feel negative emotions can be very difficult and it can bring up huge levels of resistance. We need to experience negative feelings in order to realize when we are actually feeling happy.  There is no happiness without the other side of the emotion. Sometimes forget that and we try and push away any kind of sadness, displeasure, fear, or defeat. We try to pretend that our lives are happy….always, and we all know that is NOT how life works.

There is a lot of information out there teaching us how not to fail or how to succeed.  I feel like failure has gotten a bad rap and we need to think and talk more about failure and how to do that properly. Most people never pursue or achieve their dreams because they are afraid to fail.  They will never take the first step because they do not want to feel embarrassed about what did not work.

I always ask WHY are you afraid to fail?  What’s the harm in failing at something?  Instead of trying to solve the issue, why not think about the underlying belief associated and cut that out by the root.  Understanding WHY helps you to define the issue and understand the root cause.  Failure has more to do with not living up to our own expectations (see definition #3 above) or someone else not meeting our expectations of them.  Those things happen but do not lower your standards in order to escape failure!  THAT does not create a life that you want to live, Get out of the comfort zone and deal with the REAL issue.

If you are feeling like  you are not alive, or truly LIVING your life…WHY?  Are you stuck in a cycle of fear?  Are you not putting yourself out there because you afraid to FEEL when something does not work out?  If you decide to get out there and do not meet your own expectations, what are you going to decide what that means?  Half of the battle is labeling our thoughts associated with things.  If we retrain our brains to THINK that something is disappointing then we will experience negative emotions associated to that action.  If you are avoiding something because you are afraid to fail, you have the option to think about those situations differently. 

When we do not meet our own expectation, we can THINK about it in a positive light instead of feeling like we are defeated.  When we train our minds to think differently then, our actions will also be changed.  When I think about failing as an opportunity to learn, grow, and try again then we will think of failure as progress instead of disappointment.  I believe that we succeed only as a result of failing….maybe even failing MANY times.  When I treat myself with admiration and take care of myself instead of beating myself up then failure means that I am trying new things and learning new ways of doing things.  If am willing to fail then I have a better chance of success in the long run!

Think about failure in this way, when a child is learning to walk they fall a LOT.  They do not just give up and quit!  They keep going, they keep trying, and ultimately they are on their feet walking, running, standing…..you get the picture.  They push themselves to get back up and learn how to walk!  If they stop, then they would not build the coordination and strength to learn how to walk.  So, through their failures they get strong enough to take off!  They build the confidence and willingness to fail in order to build their competence to succeed. 

Find confidence in your future and do something that you have never done.  If you fail, do not give up, do it better the next time…EVERY TIME.  Build your confidence, try new things, embrace change, and GET OUT THERE and be willing to fail.  Failing is not something to avoid, it is something that we have to include IN our lives in order to grow and learn/try new things.  Think about it in a way as something we want to move towards instead of something that we want to avoid.  It is a skill that needs to be developed.

Stop telling yourself that there is something wrong with you or that you are not worth it.  Everyone is valuable and your actions will affect others in some way.  If you are not taking action, try to dig deep to figure out the reason.  Pay attention to how your body feels in every situation, your intuition will tell you.  Try to notice if there is tension or peace inside your gut when you are thinking about something or talking to someone.  Be willing to accept what your body is telling you and feel the feelings….then move.  Do not stay stuck in negative emotions, life is lived outside of our comfort zone.  Step out, kick up  your heels, and learn HOW to fail….THAT is the ultimate success!  You only fail when you stop trying.

If you are feeling stuck, or fearful contact me for your free session to see how we can work together to help you to move forward.