Soar

Good story....wanted to share: No one can make you serve customers well.....that's because great service is a choice.  Harvey Mackay tells a wonderful story about a cab driver that proved this point. He was waiting in line for a ride at the airport. When a cab pulled up, the first thing Harvey  noticed was that the taxi was polished to a bright shine. Smartly dressed in a white shirt,  black tie, and freshly pressed black slacks, the cab driver jumped out and rounded the  car to open the back passenger door for Harvey .. He handed my friend a laminated card and said: 'I'm Wally, your driver While I'm loading  your bags in the trunk I'd like you to read my mission statement.' Taken aback, Harvey read the card.. It said: Wally's Mission Statement: To get my  customers to their destination in the quickest, safest and cheapest way possible in a  friendly environment... This blew Harvey away. Especially when he noticed that the inside of the cab matched  the outside Spotlessly clean! As he slid behind the wheel, Wally said, 'Would you like a cup of coffee? I have a thermos  of regular and one of decaf.' My friend said jokingly, 'No, I'd prefer a soft drink.' Wally  smiled and said, 'No problem I have a cooler up front with regular and Diet Coke, water  and orange juice..' Almost stuttering, Harvey said, 'I'll take a Diet Coke.' Handing him his drink, Wally said, 'If you'd like something to read, I have The Wall  Street Journal, Time, Sports Illustrated and USA Today.' As they were pulling away, Wally handed my friend another laminated card, These  are the stations I get and the music they play, if you'd like to listen to the radio.' And as if that weren't enough, Wally told Harvey that he had the air conditioning on  and asked if the temperature was comfortable for him. Then he advised Harvey of the  best route to his destination for that time of day. He also let him know that he'd be  happy to chat and tell him about some of the sights or, if Harvey preferred, to leave  him with his own thoughts. 'Tell me, Wally,' my amazed friend asked the driver, 'have you always served customers  like this?' Wally smiled into the rear view mirror 'No, not always.. In fact, it's only been in the  last two years. My first five years driving, I spent most of my time complaining like all  the rest of the cabbies do. Then I heard the personal growth guru, Wayne Dyer,  on the radio one day. He had just written a book called You'll See It When You Believe It. Dyer said that if  you get up in the morning expecting to have a bad day, you'll rarely disappoint yourself.  He said, 'Stop complaining! Differentiate yourself from your competition. Don't be a duck.  Be an eagle. Ducks quack and complain. Eagles soar above the crowd..' 'That hit me right between the eyes,' said Wally. 'Dyer was really talking about me. I was  always quacking and complaining, so I decided to change my attitude and become an eagle.  I looked around at the other cabs and their drivers. The cabs were dirty, the drivers were  unfriendly, and the customers were unhappy. So I decided to make some changes. I put in  a few at a time. When my customers responded well, I did more.' 'I take it that has paid off for you,' Harvey said. 'It sure has,' Wally replied. 'My first year as an eagle, I doubled my income from the  previous year. This year I'll probably quadruple it. You were lucky to get me today. I  don't sit at cab stands anymore. My customers call me for appointments on my cell phone  or leave a message on my answering machine. If I can't pick them up myself, I get a  reliable cabbie friend to do it and I take a piece of the action.' Wally was phenomenal. He was running a limo service out of a Yellow Cab. I've probably  told that story to more than fifty cab drivers over the years, and only two took the idea and  ran with it. Whenever I go to their cities, I give them a call. The rest of the drivers quacked  like ducks and told me all the reasons they couldn't do any of what I was suggesting.. Wally the Cab Driver made a different choice. He decided to stop quacking like ducks and start  soaring like eagles. How about us?  Smile, and the whole world smiles with you... The ball is in our hands!  A man reaps what he sows. Let us not become weary in doing good, for at the proper time  we will reap a harvest if we do not give up... let us do good to all people. Ducks Quack, Eagles Soar. Have a nice day, unless you already have other plans. SORROW looks back,  WORRY looks around, and FAITH looks UP... "Life isn't about waiting for the storm to  pass. It's about learning to dance in the rain." And while in the storm, give it to God  and let him handle it.

SMILE AND THE WHOLE WORLD SMILES WITH YOU__ CRY AND YOU CRY ALONE!!!!!!

Epiphany

e·piph·a·ny –noun.
a sudden, intuitive perception of or insight into the reality or essential 
meaning of something, usually initiated by somesimple, homely, or 
commonplace occurrence or experience.




Gratitude bestows reverence, allowing us to encounter everyday epiphanies, those transcendent moments of awe that change forever how we experience life and the world.  -- John Milton


Have you ever had an epiphany?  I have had only a few and they helped me to find clarity in troubling situations.  The definition of the word is a sudden insight that began through an everyday occurrence, something that we normally would not notice.  In the past mine came through the words or actions of others.  Sometimes when we need clarity it is good to get away and just ponder the facts while other times the clarity comes simply through the actions of ourselves and/or others.  I can't say that all decisions that I've made have been right but they were right for that time.  I also cannot say that all decisions that I've made came through an epiphany however those that have were the most freeing.  At those times when I have felt trapped by my circumstances or situations I had peace when I finally worked out how I was feeling at the time.  Of course, we cannot always base our decisions on feelings but when something is troubling then it helps to sort those feelings out.


I read a great article in last month's Psychology Today about epiphanies and I also found a good posting on their website about the subject too:  How to Communicate With Your Life.  If you have a moment take the time to read through the article, it always helps to be educated when we make decisions.

Junk

We tend to forget that happiness doesn't come as a result of getting something we don't have, but rather of recognizing and appreciating what we do have. -- Frederick Keonig


What he had not learned, however, was this: to find contentment in himself and his own life.  -- Hermann Hesse


The time we enjoy wasting is usually a good indicator of our real values… The best things in life feel like we feel when we waste our time! --Harold J. Duarte-Bernhardt 


I have written about Contentment in the past but I have had a recent conversation about it and today I stumbled upon a good article about it today (http://www.innerbonding.com/show-article/2662/beyond-misery-junk.html).  It is sometimes difficult to be content and happy when times are tough but those are the times when we learn how to be content.  In the article the author speaks about how our thoughts affect our level of happiness.  When we think depressing/negative/guilty/shameful/etc thoughts then those feelings are what we project.  When we wake-up in the morning and think...."what a beautiful day, I'm ready to face the challenges it brings" then we prepare our thoughts in a positive manner.

Believe me, I've gone through times when I did not want to face the day because I was so unhappy.  When I decided to change my thoughts I began to see positive things in everything.  I try (now) to find joy in every situation and to learn from those challenges that try to drag me down.  I'm not perfect and I do have rough days but those days are very few.  I am very thankful for everything and (especially) everyone in my life.  I try not to allow things/people/circumstances to steal my joy these days!  Try not to allow the 'junk' in your life to steal you smile!

Strength

Look well into thyself; there is a source of strength which will always spring up if thou wilt always look there.
- Marcus Aurelius

Everyone should carefully observe which way his heart draws him, and then choose that way with all his strength.
- Hasidic Saying

Always be a first-rate version of yourself,
instead of a second-rate version of somebody else.
- Judy Garland

Conformity is the jailer of freedom and the enemy of growth.
- John F. Kennedy

Put some distance between yourself and whatever is concerning you.
Distance in space or time always creates a new perspective.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie

Love

I found this article and found it very interesting. You can read it in its entirety at:  http://anew-place.com/articles/levels-of-love-what-kind-do-you-give/

Levels of Love: What Kind Do You Give?

SEPTEMBER 7, 2010

Have you ever been in a relationship and asked yourself, “What have I gotten into here? Will this ever get better?” These are valid questions, and often responded with meager answers.

Many people have come in to see me with similar questions. They are often exasperated, frustrated, bewildered, and hurt. With a sigh, and sometimes a spark of bitterness, they relay stories of what they thought marriage or a long-term committed relationship would be for them. Their dreams are dashed. Their hopes have come crashing down around them. They conclude that their partnerwill never change to make the relationship better.

At this point I usually stop them and mention that their original questions made sense, but are not the right ones to ask. I have them ask themselves what theyhave done to improve their relationship. And I ask if they are willing to do whatever it takes to save their relationship, including letting it go. They look at me as if I’ve lost my mind! They say, “The problem is not me. It’s him/her!” Or bewildered, “I don’t want to let go. I want to save it, stupid!”

The underlying principle I encourage these couples to see is this: Your relationship is essentially YOU. When you do your best to actively love, then the relationship usually takes the shape with which you intended to be. Of course, after loving effectively and consistently for a period of time and still no change, one must re-evaluate whether your needs are being met, and/or if the relationship is healthy enough to stay in or not.

So, the question actually is: How is your loving? Or, How are you living out what you want in return? I want to propose a five-stage model as to how we move through life toward a more mature love. The goal is to have a love that is transcendent, i.e. no strings attached. It’s a love-posture of the heart that says “I choose to love you just because…”
No doubt you’ve heard of several great spiritual leaders throughout history that modeled this kind of love, e.g. Jesus, Buddha, the Dalai Lama, to name a few. But you might say, Yes, but I can’t compare to them! I’m just somebody trying to get along with my partner! I don’t know how to love like that.
The truth is that we were not taught how to love like that. Most of us carry wounds that have distorted our perception of transcendent/mature love. Maybe we were abused in some way, or had parents that didn’t model care, safety and nurturance. Maybe we learned about “relationship” only in the locker rooms or through the media. In any case, learning what kind of love we are giving out today is the first step to choosing how to love someone else.

Consider the diagram below. There are five concentric circles indicating different Levels (Stages) of Love. To be clear, “loving” can be loosely defined as theintentional energy of closeness, respect and care that one directs toward another. It is not the gooey puppy love or the swoon-for-the-rock-star “love.” It is directional attention and desire toward another. Although these stages apply to both genders (and frankly, to all relationships), for the purpose of brevity, the pronoun used will refer only to how “he” is loving “her.”

The outer circle (or most immature level) is the first stage of expressing “love” to someone special. And each circle inward is the next stage of growth towardMature Love. Remember: If the intention is to better love your partner, (and not change them), then we need to understand the kind of love we are expressing. Part 1 of this article will briefly describe the first three levels.

Hormonal Love

Level 1 love is based on the feelings that you want regular “doses” of her. It’s characterized by a longing to be physical and sexually close to the other. There may be a natural chemistry that brings two together, and natural sexual lust that draws the connection closer.

This kind of love says you simply want to be near her more. You like the way she smells, moves, talks, has sex, etc. You feel “in love” because of what you objectively get. Infatuation may fall into this stage.

Once sexual connection is established, the next stage brings a deeper, more expansive way at looking at her. It opens up an opportunity to see her more than an object of gratification, but one of relational connection.

Companion Love

Level 2 love enjoys being friends with the other person. You begin to notice that you miss being with her. You make room for her in your heart and life. You like simply being present with her, enjoying her company. Your gut says that it’s easy to connect, feels free and light.

This love finds something delightful in her. It fulfills something in you. You find pleasure in simply spending time with her. The feeling is based on the belief that if [the relationship] feels good, it must be “love.”

When he finds this feeling lasts for a while, he may begin to move into the next stage. Companion Love now adds to it a dimension of depth to the friendship.

Knowledgeable Love

Level 3 love has a dimension to it that says you like what you know of her. You begin to notice and take in more of her values, intellect, interests, family and friend connections. You find pleasure in your personality traits. You in turn feel appreciated and respected by what she naturally gives you.

In essence, this kind of love says that you love based on what you understand/know about her. The more you know of her it somehow “calculates” into more affection and closeness. Hence, the more “love” you feel toward her. What you unconsciously “approve”, respect and admire makes it easier for you to give intentional love to her.

These first three levels of love, Hormonal, Companion and Knowledgeable, are to be seen as natural progressions toward mature love. They are not meant to show fallacies and/or incompetence. But rather, they are simply to be held up as a window by which you can see your reflection, and sometimes peer out as to where you want to take your loving.

I invite you to review how you love. If this is important to you, then take a serious look at it. Ask those around you how you are, e.g. your spouse, kids, close friends, etc. How you act outward is reflective of what’s inward. What kind of love do you give out? Is it what you want? What can you change in your attitude and/or actions that show courageous vulnerable love? What can you intentionally do to show mature love when you don’t feel loved in return? How is your current pattern of loving different from what you were taught from your parents?

These stages may bring up several questions or disagreements. You might have difficulty differentiating one stage from another. Maybe your intimate relationships had a different order to the stages. Or maybe a stage may be left out altogether. Whatever the case, it’s important to grab hold of the fact that we all need to get better at giving intentional love to those to whom we want it directed.

Part 2 of this article will show all five stages. The fourth stage often opens up the tendency to throw in the relational towel. You don’t want to miss it.

As always, I welcome your comments and questions. And… please pass this on to those you think it would benefit.

Kevin Barwick, LCPC

KevinBarwick@Anew-Place.com

www.Anew-Place.com

301.552.6688

Listening (part 2)

Listening Between The Lines ... Part 2 of 4 Yates Here Listening Between The Lines ... Part 2 of 4 HOW well do you listen? It is exam time so print this out and circle yes or no to each question. OR just take a pen and paper and write down the question numbers and yes or no beside each. Try to remember the last few times someone spoke to. DID YOU: 1. Face the speaker? – Yes or no 2. Judge the value of the message by the speaker's delivery? – Yes or no 3. Interrupt politely something wasn't clear? – Yes or no 4. Interrupt at once if you disagree? – Yes or no 5. Imagine how the speaker might be feeling? – Yes or no 6. Plan your response while the speaker was talking? – Yes or no 7. Pay attention to the speaker, even though you had lost interest? – Yes or no 8. Respond as soon as the speaker stop talking? – Yes or no 9. Listen for ideas as well as facts? – Yes or no 10. Assume you already know what the speaker would say? – Yes or no How did you score? Even – Numbered Questions: Score 0 for Each Yes, 1 for Each No Odd – Numbered Questions: Score 1 for Each Yes, 0 for Each No If your total was less than 10, you are not listening as well as you could! Read on! WHAT Keeps People From Listening? EXTERNAL DISTRACTIONS – glaring lights, nearby activity, noisome radios, ringing telephones, etc. can interfere with concentration. IMPATIENCE – if you're eager to offer their own views on the topic – if a topic bores you - you are less likely to listen. PREOCCUPATION – thinking about your problem with the day's activities keep you from listening. So those trying to solve the speaker's problems! First, hear the speaker out. YOUR PHYSICAL STATE – when you are tired or uncomfortable, it is hard to concentrate. When you are too comfortable, it is tempting to daydream. SCRIPT WRITING – planning a response from someone is talking can cost you important information. PREJUDICE – you may decide not to listen because the speaker's: sex Race culture appearance waste or accident emotions delivery (awkward, polished, etc.). OR, you may be too impressed by these factors notice when there is little meaning behind the words. REMEMBER, Our president saying the reason that he did not want to talk to the BP CEO was that he already knew what he was going to say BECAUSE he KNEW those kind of people. SEEMS like a blatant violation of several rules for effective listening and communication. Read the next one. FAULTS ASSUMPTIONS – you will not listen effectively you assume: you already know what the speaker would say the topic is over your head you and the speaker use words the same way. (I need this tomorrow" may mean "by the end of the day" for you, but "first thing in the morning" to the! THE SPEED, – most people speak about 200 words a minute. The mind, however, processes words twice the speed!. During its spare time, the mind can easily wander. Stay Tuned for Part 3 Your Guide To The Future ONLY You Can Create Dr Yates J (Kala) Canipe Speed Selling Too

Copyright 2010 All Rights Reserved Straightforward Inc and Dr Yates J Canipe  Huna Practitioner Certification Training on DVDs

Fear

The greatest barrier to success is the fear of failure.  --Sven Goran Eriksson


The key to change... is to let go of fear.  -- Rosanne Cash


Many of us crucify ourselves between two thieves - regret for the past and fear of the future.  --Fulton Oursler


Love is what we were born with. Fear is what we learned here.  --Unknown


Every man is afraid of something. That's how you know he's in love with you; when he is afraid of losing you.  --Unknown


Love is like an earthquake-unpredictable, a little scary, but when the hard part is over you realize how lucky you truly are.  --Unknown


Many people know that FEAR = False Evidence Appearing Real. But often, when we are fearful, we forget that nothing dangerous is actually happening in the moment. We forget that we are creating our feelings of fear with our thoughts. Our bodies react with fight, flight, or freeze equally from both real events and thoughts. This week, notice the thoughts that create fear and remember that they are False Evidence Appearing Real. 

Listening

A good read....

---

Listening Between The Lines ... Part 1 Yates Here How to improve your listening skills. What does it mean to listen? It's understanding the meaning of another person's words – and the ideas and feelings behind them. Over the generations, many words have changed meaning. Gay for example has changed meaning several times in the last 30 years. The primary key to effectively listening and thus influence over yourself and others is to look for, explore and question words which could have multiple meanings. In many cases, you are hearing ONE WORD and have your OWN meaning and the speaker using the same ONE WORD has a different meaning and your communications is thus distorted at a minimum and may be totally disconnected at the worst. One of my new soccer players came up to me last weekend as we were meeting to go to our game. This young man has been in some trouble. He is living with a Doctor who assisting him. I met with the Doctor and we talked about the day, his ranch, his dog and the upcoming match. He thanked me for working with the young men, most are over 21. Later, when I was speaking with the player after the game while we drove 3 hours back home, he ask what the Doctor had said about him. I asked what do you mean? He said, you know, what negative things. I did not answer right away. I decided to question more and see if I could assist the young man. He proceeded to give me details of his adventures with drugs and the law. Then I said, "Let us go back to your original statement. You assumed that the Doctor and I were discussing you and your personal life. We were not. He never mentioned anything POSITIVE OR NEGATIVE about you. However, by your question, you have expressed beliefs not only about yourself but others around you. As a result of the question, you expect others to have a bad impression of you and you expect to defend yourself. THINK, Why would anyone ask that question? Were you listening to yourself as you read the above? Listening is not the same as hearing or reading. Hearing is only part of the process. In fact, people who lip read or use sign language are often very good listeners! A person with good listening skills: CONCENTRATES on the speaker INTERPRETS the Speaker's Words EVALUATES ALL their meanings AND thereby RESPONDS more effectively We spend about half of our waking hours listening to people – face-to-face, by telephone, or radio or TV. AND, most of us do not listen as well as we could. Why is good listening so important? Because with good listening skills you can accurately respond. That means you can: make better use of your time avoid confusion and mistakes improve your business and personal relationships In business, good listening can result in a new idea, higher morale, improved performance – and the chance of more business which leads to more security, benefits and compensation! At home, you can create stronger bonds with family and friends. They would know that will listen – and care. At play, it can help getting more out of games music theater TV – anything involves list i.e. people! And … When others know that you listen, they will be more likely to listen to you! Learn more… Some myths about listening "listening doesn't require any effort" On the contrary – effective listening takes work and concentration. Listening is a lot harder than talking! Most talking is a reported playback. Effort is required to understand what the other person is really say so we can respond with it being totally automatic i.e. reported playback also. "You are either born a good listener or you're not" Listening is a skill, not an inherited trait. Anyone can learn to be a good listening. "If you have to ask questions, it shows you weren't listening." No, it shows you are interested – a want to be sure you understand what was said. "We were taught to listening in school." Not really. We had to listen in order to learn, but few of us were taught to listen property. "It's not polite to listen" It is more than that. People who listen politely often don't listen at all. But, listening effectively shows consideration for the speaker and yourself – because you benefit, also! Think about it. You cannot listen and talk at the same time. And you can only learn by listening. There is no input to you when you are talking except your own input. Maybe that is why people talk to themselves. More in the next newsletter. Your Guide To The Future You Create Yates J (Kala) Canipe, PhD Speed Selling Too