Gestalt

–noun

A physical, biological, psychological, or symbolic configuration or pattern of elements so unified as a whole that its properties cannot be derived from a simple summation of its parts.


True beauty cannot lie either in the perfect on the imperfect, but must lien in a realm where such distinctions have ceased to exist...The precise and perfect carries no overtones, admits no freedom; the perfect is static and regulated, cold and hard. We in our own human imperfections are repelled by the perfect, since everything is apparent from the start and there is no suggestion of the infinite. Beauty must have some room, must be associated with freedom. Freedom, indeed, is beauty. The love of the irregular is a sign of the basic quest for freedom. --Soetsu Yanagi, The Unknown Craftsman



I picked up the book The 8 Essential Traits of Couples who Thrive by Susan Page and I must say that after reading the introduction I am already enthused about the remainder of the book. I was interested in the book not because I do not have a good relationship (because I surely do) but because I want to keep it that way. The book speaks from the tone of married couples (here is where my relationship and the book differ) but I think that it applies to any romantic relationship.

The introduction challenges couples to overlook the stereotypical marriage and focus on the perfect (not infallible) relationship. Perfection is not without imperfections, perfection is a state of strength to manage through a crisis when challenges arise. We hear the statistics that 50% of marriages end in divorce but this statistic is greatly flawed because the ACTUAL number is only one in eight marriages end in divorce. The author challenges couples to look at their own beliefs about marriage and encourages them to believe that marriage is not unexciting and boring but a chance to thrive and grow with the one you love. Some believe that marriage is hard work and ones who enter into such a union are bound to be disappointed. Others believe that if they get into a committed relationship that they will be giving up more than they will gain.

If we watch television or listen to just about any comedian the brunt of their jokes are about their matrimonial state. Even in comic strips we can read about the joyless marriage with the nagging wife and the emotionally absent husband. If we actually believe these fallacies then we are creating a state that psychologists call self-efficacy. Self-efficacy is the belief that we are only capable of what we believe to be true. Our performance is influenced by how we perceive a situation. In other words if you believe that a committed relationship is doomed to fail then it certainly will. If we can wrap our minds around the idea that we can have a productive and happy relationship that thrives then it will lead to a more productive and joyful life with our partner.

I chose the title gestalt because it means that the whole is greater than the sum of its parts. This term was coined by a German philosopher named Christian von Ehenfels and comes from the adjective ungestalt which means misshapen or deformed. We can change our belief systems about marriage and change our attitudes toward committed relationships thus changing the sum of the parts. Relationships can thrive and we can be happy with someone for the duration of our lives. We can learn to embrace the imperfections and as a result our relationship will be more lovely because of them. These flaws are what make our relationships what they are and a perfect relationship is not one to be judged by comparing ours with others but to be appreciated for exactly how it is. When we compare and compete we bring unhappiness into our lives so appreciating the uniqueness of our own relationship is what brings contentment.

I know couples who have been together for years (since I was a teen) who still have the same sparkle in their eyes today as they did back then. I also know couples who have so much resentment and contempt for each other they cannot stand the sight of one another. Personally I prefer the former rather than the latter. I understand that couples go through changes and times of growth but these changes do not have to bring unhappiness. Growth and change can be uneasy but if both partners are committed to making a rich and satisfying life together changes will be a norm rather than something that just happens. Times of change can be an opportunity to build a stronger bond rather than building a wall between the couple. We have to understand and appreciate the differences in our partners rather than let them be a source of conflict. I think that having the perfect partner is more about BEING the perfect partner. We cannot change others but we certainly have control over ourselves and our own perceptions!

Consistency

–noun

1. steadfast adherence to the same principles, course, form, etc.: There is consistency in his pattern of behavior.
2. agreement, harmony, or compatibility, esp. correspondence or uniformity among the parts of a complex thing: consistency of colors throughout the house.
3. the condition of cohering or holding together and retaining form; solidity or firmness.


Who ever has no fixed opinions has no constant feelings. --Joseph Joubert

I pray to be like the ocean, with soft currents, maybe waves at times. More and more, I want the consistency rather than the highs and the lows. --Drew Barrymore


One isn't necessarily born with courage, but one is born with potential. Without courage, we cannot practice any other virtue with consistency. We can't be kind, true, merciful, generous, or honest. --Maya Angelou

The word ‘consistency’ hit me this morning when I was thinking over some of the past few years of my life. We all enjoy it when our days are not plagued with constant reminders that we are infallible humans at the mercy of our circumstances. It is always nice when you get in the car in the morning to go to work and it starts or when your coffee pot makes our coffee for us in the morning. We enjoy relationships with those around us when their personalities align with our version of what it should be. As I always say: there is no reality only perception. Our version of the way things are is up for interpretation by those around us. When we do not have to deal with the occasional disruption to our lives we go along as planned without menacing emotions follwig us.

When adversity strikes and our lives seem out of control everyone reacts differently. Some get angry, some get drunk, some go into a cave while others seem to plug along with little disruption. I think that when we allow others to control how we react we are allowing them to control us—and I don’t know about you but I am not a huge fan of being controlled by others! Consistency is (as the definition states) a steadfast adherence and uniformity in our lives. When the foundation is shaken beneath us are we steadfast? Our attitudes are what determine how shaken we become; it is not the circumstance or person because we can only control ourselves!

When your partner overdraws the bank account do you immediately answer in anger? When someone is driving slowly when you’re in a hurry are you irritated and annoyed? If you’re in a hurry at the grocery store and the lines are slow and long do you react with contempt and dissatisfaction? When someone doesn’t agree with your opinion do you respond in hatred and become defensive?

It is inevitable that the waves of life will push us off track but consistency is more about us and how we react. Our loved ones depend on safety and security so part of that is being consistent in our actions. I used to make quick decisions but I have learned to think things over before reacting because it produces a more consistent reaction. My children and those close to me know that when they ask something of me that I will need some time to mull it over before I give them a final decision BUT when I give them that decision they know that my yes is yes and my no is no because I rarely change my mind. I found that delaying my reaction time has produced a bit more consistency for me (personally) and for those whom I love.

I would like to end this with a little story that I heard at a conference. The speaker told us about her (former) bad case of road rage. She would yell, scream, honk her horn and do other sorts of things when she came upon a bad driver. One day while sitting at work she received a call informing her that her mother had been rushed to the hospital and passed away. She immediately left her office, got in her car and headed to the hospital to be with her family. While driving to the hospital she noticed that others on the road were annoyed with her driving, she was driving slowly and only half paying attention to what she was doing. She began to contemplate about her own past driving which made her take into account what other drivers might have been thinking while she was spewing her anger at them. She realized that sometimes we have our own agenda and forget to account for what others might be dealing with in the process. We are often so focused on our own schedule that we disregard how we come across to others. If someone is having a bad day our reactions toward them could be adding to their discomfort. Next time you find yourself reacting in agitation with another, stop to think that they might have something unseen going on in their lives and provide a little comfort rather than transferring more darkness into their lives.

Admire

–verb (used with object)

1. to regard with wonder, pleasure, or approval.
2. to take pleasure; like or desire.

To love is to admire with the heart; to admire is to love with the mind.  --Theophile Gautier

Among those whom I like or admire, I can find no common denominator, but among those whom I love, I can: all of them make me laugh. --W.H. Auden 

I have been trying to think about something to write about all day but there has been so much on my mind I couldn’t seem to come up with anything.  When I get the urge to write, one word will often strike me and I will expound upon that word and what it means to me.  When stumbled upon the word ‘admire’ while reading The Grapes of Wrath tonight--if you’ve never read the book it has been a good read--it leapt off of the page.  

The book tells the tale of the struggles of an Oklahoma family who treks across the country in search of a new life.  Their farm had been taken and they heard about revived hope in California.  The story takes many twists and turns but speaks of perseverance despite the unspeakable adversity the family has faced along their journey.  The word admire came up with the characters are given the opportunity to take some much needed work.  One character says that they would ‘admire’ to get a job.  The word stood out to me because it didn’t seem to fit into the context of the paragraph but when I did some research, I was mistaken.  He ‘admired’ getting a job because with ‘wonder and amazement’ he felt he had been given this opportunity.

I began to think about the connotations of the word in several different context and found that admiration is not simply approval but also something that we take pleasure in and/or desire.  As you may have gathered. I have had a LOT of time to myself lately (with everyone being scattered about the country) so admiration and thankfulness is something that I am feeling.  I take pleasure and desire to have those interactions back in my daily routine.  I no only care about the people in my life but I also take pleasure in their company.  Of course I have had social interaction while everyone has been away and I have built some very special relationships in the process.  I now have a new appreciation and admiration for those who have kept me company during my lonely days.

I think that all too often these days our society idolizes those who seem to constantly let us down.  I see stories everyday about celebrities who have fallen off the wagon, broken their vows to their partner or done something that got them into trouble.  I know that people will disappoint us but why do we look to people in the spotlight and not people who we interact with everyday to give our affections and admiration?  What is it about celebrity life that we admire and covet?  Stardom and glamor definitely draw us in but why can’t we feel like a star in our own lives?  Is it the monetary value of their worth?

I once heard: ‘rich is a state of mind not the state of our bank account.’  For me that rings so true.  I am very content with where I am in life but I do not have a bulging bank account from which to draw my happiness from but I do have many rich and fulfilling relationships that bring me joy.  I have never been a lover of money because money changes people.  I might not have the biggest house on the block, the most up-to-date technology, the most beautiful car and/or wear the most expensive clothing but I do not need those things for fulfillment.  In my younger years I did believe that I had to have those things but love does not come with a price tag.  I truly love and admire (take pleasure in) The Man, my children, my family and my closest friends.  I enjoy building bonds and relationships with them.  My admiration does not come from what they can do for me it comes from my complete wonder and amazement of their character.  Another bonus is their ability to keep me laughing, I am a huge fan of having fun and I truly love to laugh with those I admire most.

Heart

Where we love is home, home that our feet may leave, but not our hearts. --Oliver Wendell Holmes, Sr., Homesick in Heaven

It takes hands to build a house, but only hearts can build a home. ~Author Unknown

Where thou art - that - is Home. ~Emily Dickinson

When you smiled you had my undivided attention. When you laughed you had my urge to laugh with you. When you cried you had my urge to hold you. When you said you loved me, you had my heart forever. --unknown

Once a woman has given you her heart, you can never get rid of the rest of her. – Sir Joh Vanbrugh


During the past several weeks of solitude I have been trying to keep myself busy because the girls are gone, The Man is gone SO I’ve had the pleasure (or NOT) of entertaining myself. Of course, I’ve spent some time with friends, done some much needed things around the house, read some great books and keept up with the (always undone) homework but most of my time has been spent doing some introspection. I think that since I hit the ripe old age of 40 I am so much more self-aware and conscious of myself. I am certainly missing having the constant hustle and bustle of daily life but having a little alone-time never hurts anyone—or that’s the idea anyway.

Today I woke up to the noble sound of The Man’s voice on the other end of the phone. When we hung up I immediately began my daily routine of readying myself for work and getting out the door. While making a bite to eat I thought about the meaning of a home, what it means to me. *As I said, since I hit the ripe old age of 40 things now have new meaning* While preparing to write I did some searching for quotes about the heart and home and (as you see above) there are some wonderful words penned by great writers that paint beautiful word pictures. I began to recall a book that we used to read during our homeschooling days about different types of homes, how they all may look different but the basic premise is very similar.

These days home is something so different to me than it was in my younger years. In my teen years home was wherever my friends were. In my 20s home was wherever the military might decide to send me. In my 30s home was a place to provide comfort to my children (it still is I might add). Now home is less a place and more a feeling. Home is somewhere we reside but it is also a place where we build lasting and meaningful relationships. Home is not simply comprised of those who have the same genetic code but those whom we choose to give our heart to. This includes friends, family, children and neighbors.

Relationships, there are few things that I find more important in the word. Not just the occasional ‘hi, how you doing’ relationship but ones that stand the test of time. I like the last quote I found because it is so true (for me) because once I have given you my heart, I am there for good. I have met and still meet a lot of good people but few have captured my heart in that way. Home is a place of comfort, peace and a place within our heart. Home is not just a house, apartment or other shelter where we reside. It is a place where ones affections are centered.

Altruism

–noun

The principle or practice of unselfish concern for or devotion to the welfare of others (opposed to egoism).

Every man must decide whether he will walk in the light of creative altruism or in the darkness of destructive selfishness. --Martin Luther King, Jr.

What we have done for ourselves alone dies with us; what we have done for others and the world remains and is immortal. --Albert Pike


There is no limit to the good a man can do, if he doesn’t care who gets the credit. -- General George C. Marshall


The word altruism has come up in several recent conversations. Since I am a Social Psychology student (and general student of life) I am always intrigued by the actions of people and I want to know more about how they ‘tick’. Altruism is a selfless concern for the welfare of others and is rooted in many cultures and religious traditions. It is not simply a feeling of duty but a genuine motivation to help others without any reward. Duty implies that we have a moral obligation to another whereas altruism is giving without regard or reward OR need for recognition.

The term was coined by a French philosopher of science, Auguste Comte (January 19, 1798-Septemer 5, 1857) who developed the doctrine of positivism. He believed in an ethical doctrine that claims people are morally obliged to help others in need. Psychologists believe that we do good for our children and family simply for the survival of future generations that will hold the same genetic code. Many studies have been done on the subject of altruism and it comes in many forms; one being reciprocal altruism which operates on the laws of reciprocity but I am more interested in pure altruism which is doing something without expected returns.

I think that helping others is a beautiful thing, not because we might need them to return the favor but because it boosts our self-esteem. I prefer to live in a world that makes me smile rather than one that sucks the life out of me! I believe that if we are genuine in our actions then the laws of reciprocity will certainly be in our favor. I don’t say this to encourage acts of kindness in hopes that we will someday get something but because it is the right thing to do! Of course we are going to do good things for our friends and family but what about the person who is having car problems on the side of the freeway in the summer heat or cold of winter? Do you think about stopping to render aid to someone who is in need?

I was in the grocery store the other day and there was a couple ahead of me with a few baskets of groceries. Both of these people were unable to walk unaided so they were in the motorized carts offered by the store. They were obviously bargain shoppers because the gentleman had a list of prices that the checker had to match and manually input into the register. I could easily see that this would take awhile. As the line started to increase behind me I could see that others were getting annoyed by these people taking up so much time. I began to help them by putting their things onto the belt to maybe speed up the process, not for my own rushed agenda but simply to try to help them and shorten the length of time for those waiting behind me.

Personally (this is JUST me!) I don’t go to the grocery store (or shopping in general) if I am in a hurry because you never know what you’re going to encounter. If I have other things on my agenda I avoid any place where I might be delayed because I know that it creates anxiety and it is just plain annoying. I went into the store with the knowledge that it would be busy and I’d be waiting in line, I could tell this by the overflowing parking lot. *I realize that this has NOTHING to do with my subject but I’ll get to the point, just hold on* Back to my story…..this couple obviously needed some assistance and instead of getting annoyed by them I decided to help them. I did NOT do this to get me out of the store faster I did it because they needed a hand, in other words I didn’t do for my own selfish reasons I did it because it was the right thing to do.

NOW, I don’t say this because I need a pat on the back or any type of Atta Girl but to convey the thought that doing the right thing is just a good thing to do. I do not do anything for anyone for my own selfish reasons I do things because I like to see others smile and to take away a little bit of the ugliness in their world. We deal with so much ugliness in the world everyone needs to try to put a little hope back into our fellow man. Of course there are those who live for themselves and that will never change however there are those who do things with unselfish motivations too. I am not saying that we should give away our last dollar or put ourselves into a predicament but I think that when we do random acts of kindness (and it doesn’t have to be huge things) it just gives us a warm fuzzy and makes us feel better in our own mind. I think that when we shift the focus from ourselves we begin to see the good in others.

Solitude

–noun

1. the state of being or living alone; seclusion: to enjoy one's solitude.
2. remoteness from habitations, as of a place; absence of human activity: the solitude of the mountains.
3. a lonely, unfrequented place: a solitude in the mountains.

Man loves company even if it is only that of a small burning candle.  ~Georg Christoph Lichtenberg

There are days when solitude is a heady wine that intoxicates you with freedom, others when it is a bitter tonic, and still others when it is a poison that makes you beat your head against the wall.  ~Colette

For the past several weeks I have been virtually alone.  I get up in the morning and have coffee...alone; I go to work, come home....alone; I have dinner....alone.  I have tried to think of things to do but there is no laundry, very few dishes and when I clean it stays that way.  I am not looking for sympathy but thinking about the importance of those in my life.  What’s with all of the hype about solitude?  I am a very social person and I enjoy having those people I love around me.  I like to laugh and enjoy their company!  Now don’t get me wrong, there are times when I want to run away to some deserted island somewhere and weave baskets out of palm leaves BUT for the most part I truly enjoy my people’s company.  I’m not a big fan of being by myself, I guess because I am so used to the controlled chaos of my home.

During this forced bit of aloneness I have had a chance to get some things done around the house.  I have quite enjoyed the ability to start a project and see it into completion without the occasional interruption of making dinner, putting clothes in the dryer or any other daily chore BUT I miss having conversations with those I love.  I like to hear about how their day went, I like laughing with the kids and The Man.  I can enjoy the daily routine because I like simple things and I like things that (some) people take for granted.

I guess that I’ve had some time to take inventory on my life and evaluate what does and does not work.  I think that the uproar of the last few years have made me somewhat appreciative of the simple and routine.  I like the road that life has taken and I can truly say that I am very happy with my life.  Some might look at where I am and wonder what I was/am/have I been thinking but I can assure you that I have given great thought to every detour that I’ve taken.  I am in a place where fate has drawn me, I’m sure that some can appreciate that?  I think that once the chaos begins again I might be singing another tune but I highly doubt it.  Laughing and enjoying the people that I value most is something that brings me great joy.  I like the ability to randomly hug the girls and The Man because I want them to know every day that I love them.

Sometimes when we are in the daily grind of life we sometimes take the details for granted.  We worry about the socks on the floor, the dishes in the sink or the unmade beds but those are so minor in the scope of things.  I do not love it when my house is in disarray however I do love those who make it that way.  I like building meaningful relationships and I want them to know without a shadow of a doubt that I will be here for them no matter what.  When life’s turns take them down unknown paths I will be there to hold onto them and reassure them that I am not going anywhere.  Never leave any good thing left unsaid and never make them guess where your heart is.  My motto is....never keep them guessing!

Ambivalence

–noun


Uncertainty or fluctuation, esp. when caused by inability to make a choice or by a simultaneous desire to say or do two opposite or conflicting things.


Psychology. The coexistence within an individual of positive and negative feelings toward the same person, object, or action, simultaneously drawing him or her in opposite directions.


The coexistence of opposing attitudes or feelings, such as love and hate, toward a person, object, or idea.


Uncertainty or indecisiveness as to which course to follow.


simultaneous conflicting feelings," 1924, from Ger. Ambivalenz , coined 1910 by Swiss psychologist Eugen Bleuler (18571939) on model of Ger. Equivalenz "equivalence," etc., from L. ambi- "both" (see ambi-) + valentia "strength," from prp. of valere "be strong" (see valiant). A psychological term that by 1929 had taken on a broader literary and general sense.

I read the word ‘ambivalent’ today while reading an article in USA Today about commitment and being the ever-inquiring mind I wanted to do some more research. Of course it is a word that I’ve heard before but digging deeper into the subject made me ever-curious to know more. In today’s world what is a normal relationship? Does anyone have a moral compass these days? We live in a society where whatever feels good goes. I understand that times change however have we lost our morality in the process? Do we live by what is in the moment or do we live for what the future might hold for us? Are we so afraid of things that we begin to allow ambivalence to cloud our judgment? Why do we constantly search for something better? Are we so afraid of commitment that we are constantly pushing things away from us?

I was reading the blog Commitment Phobia and the author states that this is something that is deeply rooted in fear. This Phobia is a crippling fear of losing our options and/or of making bad decisions. Those that carry this fear are so afraid of making bad decisions that they are afraid to commit to anything, especially relationships. Of course they crave good relationships however they avoid taking ownership of their own feelings and avoid ties and commitments. The desire to have a meaningful relationship is there but fear leads them to keeping everyone at arm’s length. Since we live in a sexually promiscuous society we encourage a false sense of intimacy in our lives and live for what feels right in the moment, the instant gratification replaces the satisfaction of a committed and everlasting love. I can see how this is not all bad because it prevents one from jumping too quickly but it also can push those away that we love the most. “Commitment phobia is rooted in the belief that when we love someone, you are responsible for their feelings rather than our own.” This is a profound statement because I do think that we have to consider the feelings of others when we make decisions but I am not sure that we need to be responsible for how others feel.

Everyone wants to believe they accepted and cared for but when we allow our fears to push people away we are always searching for a temporary repair to fulfill our emotional needs. We allow our physical desires to replace a lasting and fulfilling relationship which in the end destroys us and keeps us searching for something more. Commitmentphobia is a word coined by authors Steven A. Carter and Julia Sokol in their book Men Who Can’t Love (1987). It is a term used to describe a fear of commitment referring to those who avoid long-term relationships and/or marriage. It might seem to only affect relationships but often it begins to spill over into other areas of our lives. Commitment phobic’s claim that they are eager to find a lasting romantic relationship but they can never seem to find the right partner and/or maintain a lasting relationship. They crave what they fear most: love and connection. It is a paradox because no matter how badly they want to commit their fear leads them into destructive patterns thus in the end destroying them and their partner emotionally. They might feel trapped and/or that they will lose their freedom if they make a long-term commitment.

One potentially misleading aspect of commitmentphobic behavior is that the partner who is actively running away from commitment is not the only one with a problem. In fact, commitmentphobic behavior includes "settling" for inappropriate partners, pursuing unattainable partners, and engaging in instant relationship mergers as well as fleeing from what might have appeared to be a stable romance. Any persistent behavior that actively prevents a person from making a commitment or allows a person to make excuses for not having made a commitment can be considered commitmentphobic.


Authors Carter and Sokol handle this circumstance by describing "active" commitmentphobia, which is most strongly characterized by running away from relationships, and "passive" commitmentphobia, which is most strongly characterized by longsuffering devotion to an active partner who is running away, longing for a partner who has run away, and fantasy reconciliation scenarios.

I guess all of this research comes from my lack of understanding about the way people can go from one person to the next without reservations. We jump from one partner to the next without any emotional connectedness these days. Of course we live in a society that sends us mixed messages because we see movies depicting the long-term marriage but the divorce rates are soaring. Why can’t couples seem to make it work? Personally (and this is MY opinion), I believe that it is so easy to leave and move to the next relationship that we are not willing to do the work to make the one we are in fulfilling. It’s easier to start something new than to work with what you have. We’re not satisfied with what we have because we get bored; look at what someone else has and want what they have; see something that LOOKS better to the eye…whatever the reason, our society makes it OK to sleep around and relationship-hop.

I prefer to be in a relationship with someone who values me and my beliefs. I am very easy-going however there are some points that I will just NOT bend (cheating is one of them, lying to me is another). We all seek comfort in a sincere person AND we all still want to possess some sense of freedom within some boundaries. We cannot be in a relationship and loose our sense of self but we CAN be committed to that person and have a level of trust that is unwavering. Loyalty is such a huge part of a relationship and when someone crosses the threshold of distrust then they are opening a door that is difficult to close (this is a whole different subject that I will write about another day!).

Of course I have always been the type of person that evaluates the pros-and-cons when venturing into a relationship but I do not judge what the future might hold (with someone) by the actions of others from the past. I do not hold the mistakes of others against what one might do to me in the future. I also do not walk into a relationship with the fear that it might end, that’s just dooming it from the start. I believe that we all have faults and make mistakes, no one is perfect, it is just the severity of the mistake and how it affects those we love that matters. Carl Jung believed that with every positive action/thought we have an opposing negative thought (http://www.humanmetrics.com/cgi-win/jungtype.htm). I do believe that no matter how good we might be on the surface we still have some amount of dark thinking, it is how we react and handle those thoughts that matters. We all want to make right choices when choosing a romantic partner so we have to evaluate the personal characteristics before we align our lives with them. Their ability to maintain optimal behavior during the course of the relationship determines the quality of the relationship as a whole. Again, people do make mistakes but the foundational beliefs are what matter in a partner. We cannot allow the ‘warm fuzzy’ to cloud our judgment because that leads to our own emotional demise.

DISCLAIMER: I do believe that there are some relationships that just are NOT meant to be. When it comes to destructive relationships I do believe that there should be an end to that. No one should have to put up with physical and/or mental abuse (or both). In this writing I am speaking in terms of a potential healthy and fulfilling relationship.

Personality

Personality is to a man what perfume is to a flower. -Charles Schwab


Its beauty that captures your attention; personality which captures your heart. - Antioch


Always be yourself, express yourself, have faith in yourself, do not go out and look for a successful personality and duplicate it. -Bruce Lee


At the heart of personality is the need to feel a sense of being lovable without having to qualify for that acceptance. -Paul Tournier

I recently took a personality assessment (http://www.humanmetrics.com/cgi-win/JTypes1.htm) for a course I am taking this summer. The results were not too startling because I know me and I know that I am an Idealist and I sometimes am more driven by feelings rather than logic. I am one who is highly sensitive to others and I like to think before I act. I am very organized and like things to be somewhat planned but I am always up for the occasional fly-by-the-seat-of-the-pants activity. I am defiantly not one who likes to sit idle and watch life pass me by, I like to actively participate in life and enjoy each day that I am given.

I say all of this because I sometimes wonder what happened to the world today. Many people are so rushed to get places and do things that they never enjoy the process. I like to enjoy the little things in life and I do not take the people in my life for granted because you just never know when you will breathe your last breath. We live in a microwave society and are so driven by the ‘things’ in life rather than people. The only thing we leave behind are the memories we share--the other stuff is just, well, stuff. People no longer value good character and morality but are looking for a quick fix to make them happy. Happiness comes from within ourselves and is enhanced by the quality of our relationships. We are the only ones who can make those relationships better by valuing the people in our lives. Take time to smell the flowers and enjoy all types of beauty, even in those things where beauty is hidden.