Choices

There are always two choices. Two paths to take. One is easy. And its only reward is that it's easy.  --Unknown

The strongest principle of growth lies in human choice.  -- George Eliot

It is our choices that show what we truly are, far more than our abilities.  -- Joanne Kathleen Rowling


There are two primary choices in life; to accept conditions as they exist, or accept the responsibility for changing them.  -- Denis Waitley


What we call the secret of happiness is no more a secret than our willingness to choose life.  -- Leo Buscaglia


You are the person who has to decide. Whether you'll do it or toss it aside; you are the person who makes up your mind. Whether you'll lead or will linger behind. Whether you'll try for the goal that's afar. Or just be contented to stay where you are. -- Edgar A. Guest


I discovered I always have choices and sometimes it's only a choice of attitude.  –Unknown


I haven’t done much writing lately because I have been in a holiday-induced-funk.  I tend to get this way weeks before Thanksgiving.  I’m not sure what puts me in this cloud other than choices that I’m trying to sort-out.  I sometimes tend to over-think when I am trying to make decisions, which is sometimes good and sometimes bad.  When I stand at the crossroads of life I know that no matter what choice I make I will lose the ability to go back.  I really like the poem by Robert Frost, The Road Not Taken:

Two roads diverged in a yellow wood, And sorry I could not travel both And be one traveler, long I stood And looked down one as far as I could To where it bent in the undergrowth; Then took the other, as just as fair, And having perhaps the better claim Because it was grassy and wanted wear, Though as for that the passing there Had worn them really about the same, And both that morning equally lay In leaves no step had trodden black. Oh, I marked the first for another day! Yet knowing how way leads on to way I doubted if I should ever come back. I shall be telling this with a sigh Somewhere ages and ages hence: Two roads diverged in a wood, and I, I took the one less traveled by, And that has made all the difference.

This is a wonderful poetic example about how our choices in life are sometimes the road that others might not choose.  I like the ability to choose but sometimes our choices are at the mercy of others.  We cannot change the minds of others but we can learn to live with their choices and how they affect our lives.  We have to make the conscious choice to be happy in spite of them.
When we focus on performance to be happy we will often fall-short.  When we focus on our inner being for happiness we will behave differently, joyously.  When we try to control others is when we begin to lose our joy.  We try to control (or lessen) the pains of life however this does not bring joy either.  We must learn from all things that happen, the joys and pains.  There is always something positive to see in every situation no matter how bleak it might seem at that moment.  


We cannot focus on where we are going because it makes the journey less joyous.  We must live in the moment headed down the path we have chosen and align our beliefs with our choices. 
Happiness is a choice we make every day when our eyes open each morning.  We have to love those that are accepting and even those that are not.  Sometimes we have to just accept what happens and move on in life rather than dwell in the past.  I heard a quote when I was a child that has always stuck with me:  A ship that sails backwards never sees the sunrise.  We cannot live in the past because we will never be able to move into the future if we stay there.  We all have made mistakes but learning from them and moving on is what life is about.  We have to enjoy where we are before we can see what our future might hold.  We cannot hide from choices because not choosing is a choice.


Here is a good article about choosing happiness:  http://www.innerbonding.com/show-article/2685/the-happiness-choice.html

Change

The man who never alters his opinion is like standing water, and breeds reptiles of the mind.  ~William Blake


He who rejects change is the architect of decay.  The only human institution which rejects progress is the cemetery.  ~Harold Wilson


What you have become is the price you paid to get what you used to want.  ~Mignon McLaughlin, The Neurotic's Notebook, 1960


Continuity gives us roots; change gives us branches, letting us stretch and grow and reach new heights.  ~Pauline R. Kezer


Every beginning is a consequence - every beginning ends some thing.  ~Paul Valery

Change is often met with much resistance because it creates a sense of anxiety and can often lead to misunderstandings and disagreements.  The participants of changing behaviors need to understand that change is a chance to grow and develop in healthy ways.  Change is and can be a positive thing but sometimes change does not mean doing things differently it means changing our attitudes and beliefs.

Change is not always viewed as a positive thing and the biggest challenge will be to embrace the challenges ahead and see that even if the changes do not lead to positive outcomes at least you will be challenged to think in different ways.  The core of the matter is changing behavior which is done by appealing emotional connections and reframing thought patterns.   When moving towards a goal then resistance can be minimized when emotional connections are made.   Change is not static so keeping this in perspective can be an important factor in the end.

Resistance is defined by Alvin Zander, an early researcher on the subject, as “behavior which is intended to protect and individual from the effectives of real or imagined change”.  Others define resistance as any form of behavior that maintains the status quo when faced with pressure to alter the status quo.  Resistance is not simply a refusal to participate but it is a cognitive state that is driven by negative perceptions.  These negative thoughts can be overcome by understanding resistance and overcoming fears and frustrations.  Resistance is oftentimes not an intentional defiance but a perceived threat. 

In summation, change is an active agent and should be embraced with the understanding that not all changes will be successful and sometimes you will fail.  Mistakes and failures are part of life so you just have to pick yourself up and try again, reframing your thought patterns with the newfound knowledge.   Forward thinkers are those who are willing to accept a degree of tolerance and pay the price of efficiency to learn new skills and techniques.  Change is a part of the culture so if you’re not willing to adapt and overcome challenges then you will remain static in life….and is that truly living?

Here is a good article about change too:  http://www.seangrainger.com/2010/11/perspectives-on-change-in-contemporary.html

Affirmations

We may not always be aware of it, but we all create and repeat affirmations constantly. The problem is, we typically don't pay attention to exactly what those affirmations are saying. Often we go through the day giving ourselves all sorts of contradictory, or even negative messages. We may project confidence to the world around us, while our inner dialogue says... I hope this works. I am so nervous about this. I hope I don't blow it. Affirmations are self fulfilling prophecies. If we say, This is never going to work... then chances are excellent it never will.
- John Assaraf

Quotes

Sharing some of my favorite quotes today...


Live this one as it was the last...leave no kind word un said. --Andrew Bailey

Better to remain silent and be thought a fool than to speak out and remove all doubt. --Abraham Lincoln

Be kind, for everyone you meet is fighting a hard battle. --Plato 

Great minds discuss ideas; Average minds discuss events; Small minds discuss people. --Eleanor Roosevelt

We need never be ashamed of our tears. --Charles Dickens, Great Expectations

Cheerfulness, it would appear, is a matter which depends fully as much on the state of things within, as on the state of things without and around us. --Charlotte Bronte

Anger makes you smaller, while forgiveness forces you to grow beyond what you were. --Cherie Carter-Scott, "If Love Is a Game, These Are the Rules"

To live is so startling it leaves little time for anything else. -- Emily Dickinson

Death is more universal than life; everyone dies but not everyone lives. --A. Sachs

Children might or might not be a blessing, but to create them and then fail them was surely damnation. --Lois McMaster Bujold, "Barrayar", 1991

Soar

Good story....wanted to share: No one can make you serve customers well.....that's because great service is a choice.  Harvey Mackay tells a wonderful story about a cab driver that proved this point. He was waiting in line for a ride at the airport. When a cab pulled up, the first thing Harvey  noticed was that the taxi was polished to a bright shine. Smartly dressed in a white shirt,  black tie, and freshly pressed black slacks, the cab driver jumped out and rounded the  car to open the back passenger door for Harvey .. He handed my friend a laminated card and said: 'I'm Wally, your driver While I'm loading  your bags in the trunk I'd like you to read my mission statement.' Taken aback, Harvey read the card.. It said: Wally's Mission Statement: To get my  customers to their destination in the quickest, safest and cheapest way possible in a  friendly environment... This blew Harvey away. Especially when he noticed that the inside of the cab matched  the outside Spotlessly clean! As he slid behind the wheel, Wally said, 'Would you like a cup of coffee? I have a thermos  of regular and one of decaf.' My friend said jokingly, 'No, I'd prefer a soft drink.' Wally  smiled and said, 'No problem I have a cooler up front with regular and Diet Coke, water  and orange juice..' Almost stuttering, Harvey said, 'I'll take a Diet Coke.' Handing him his drink, Wally said, 'If you'd like something to read, I have The Wall  Street Journal, Time, Sports Illustrated and USA Today.' As they were pulling away, Wally handed my friend another laminated card, These  are the stations I get and the music they play, if you'd like to listen to the radio.' And as if that weren't enough, Wally told Harvey that he had the air conditioning on  and asked if the temperature was comfortable for him. Then he advised Harvey of the  best route to his destination for that time of day. He also let him know that he'd be  happy to chat and tell him about some of the sights or, if Harvey preferred, to leave  him with his own thoughts. 'Tell me, Wally,' my amazed friend asked the driver, 'have you always served customers  like this?' Wally smiled into the rear view mirror 'No, not always.. In fact, it's only been in the  last two years. My first five years driving, I spent most of my time complaining like all  the rest of the cabbies do. Then I heard the personal growth guru, Wayne Dyer,  on the radio one day. He had just written a book called You'll See It When You Believe It. Dyer said that if  you get up in the morning expecting to have a bad day, you'll rarely disappoint yourself.  He said, 'Stop complaining! Differentiate yourself from your competition. Don't be a duck.  Be an eagle. Ducks quack and complain. Eagles soar above the crowd..' 'That hit me right between the eyes,' said Wally. 'Dyer was really talking about me. I was  always quacking and complaining, so I decided to change my attitude and become an eagle.  I looked around at the other cabs and their drivers. The cabs were dirty, the drivers were  unfriendly, and the customers were unhappy. So I decided to make some changes. I put in  a few at a time. When my customers responded well, I did more.' 'I take it that has paid off for you,' Harvey said. 'It sure has,' Wally replied. 'My first year as an eagle, I doubled my income from the  previous year. This year I'll probably quadruple it. You were lucky to get me today. I  don't sit at cab stands anymore. My customers call me for appointments on my cell phone  or leave a message on my answering machine. If I can't pick them up myself, I get a  reliable cabbie friend to do it and I take a piece of the action.' Wally was phenomenal. He was running a limo service out of a Yellow Cab. I've probably  told that story to more than fifty cab drivers over the years, and only two took the idea and  ran with it. Whenever I go to their cities, I give them a call. The rest of the drivers quacked  like ducks and told me all the reasons they couldn't do any of what I was suggesting.. Wally the Cab Driver made a different choice. He decided to stop quacking like ducks and start  soaring like eagles. How about us?  Smile, and the whole world smiles with you... The ball is in our hands!  A man reaps what he sows. Let us not become weary in doing good, for at the proper time  we will reap a harvest if we do not give up... let us do good to all people. Ducks Quack, Eagles Soar. Have a nice day, unless you already have other plans. SORROW looks back,  WORRY looks around, and FAITH looks UP... "Life isn't about waiting for the storm to  pass. It's about learning to dance in the rain." And while in the storm, give it to God  and let him handle it.

SMILE AND THE WHOLE WORLD SMILES WITH YOU__ CRY AND YOU CRY ALONE!!!!!!

Epiphany

e·piph·a·ny –noun.
a sudden, intuitive perception of or insight into the reality or essential 
meaning of something, usually initiated by somesimple, homely, or 
commonplace occurrence or experience.




Gratitude bestows reverence, allowing us to encounter everyday epiphanies, those transcendent moments of awe that change forever how we experience life and the world.  -- John Milton


Have you ever had an epiphany?  I have had only a few and they helped me to find clarity in troubling situations.  The definition of the word is a sudden insight that began through an everyday occurrence, something that we normally would not notice.  In the past mine came through the words or actions of others.  Sometimes when we need clarity it is good to get away and just ponder the facts while other times the clarity comes simply through the actions of ourselves and/or others.  I can't say that all decisions that I've made have been right but they were right for that time.  I also cannot say that all decisions that I've made came through an epiphany however those that have were the most freeing.  At those times when I have felt trapped by my circumstances or situations I had peace when I finally worked out how I was feeling at the time.  Of course, we cannot always base our decisions on feelings but when something is troubling then it helps to sort those feelings out.


I read a great article in last month's Psychology Today about epiphanies and I also found a good posting on their website about the subject too:  How to Communicate With Your Life.  If you have a moment take the time to read through the article, it always helps to be educated when we make decisions.

Junk

We tend to forget that happiness doesn't come as a result of getting something we don't have, but rather of recognizing and appreciating what we do have. -- Frederick Keonig


What he had not learned, however, was this: to find contentment in himself and his own life.  -- Hermann Hesse


The time we enjoy wasting is usually a good indicator of our real values… The best things in life feel like we feel when we waste our time! --Harold J. Duarte-Bernhardt 


I have written about Contentment in the past but I have had a recent conversation about it and today I stumbled upon a good article about it today (http://www.innerbonding.com/show-article/2662/beyond-misery-junk.html).  It is sometimes difficult to be content and happy when times are tough but those are the times when we learn how to be content.  In the article the author speaks about how our thoughts affect our level of happiness.  When we think depressing/negative/guilty/shameful/etc thoughts then those feelings are what we project.  When we wake-up in the morning and think...."what a beautiful day, I'm ready to face the challenges it brings" then we prepare our thoughts in a positive manner.

Believe me, I've gone through times when I did not want to face the day because I was so unhappy.  When I decided to change my thoughts I began to see positive things in everything.  I try (now) to find joy in every situation and to learn from those challenges that try to drag me down.  I'm not perfect and I do have rough days but those days are very few.  I am very thankful for everything and (especially) everyone in my life.  I try not to allow things/people/circumstances to steal my joy these days!  Try not to allow the 'junk' in your life to steal you smile!