Power

Strength

It is easier to build strong children than to repair broken men. ― Frederick Douglass

A truly strong person does not need the approval of others any more than a lion needs the approval of sheep. -Vernon Howard

In the book The Sexual Man by Archibald Hart, it is a very interesting read.  This book was written so that men and women could understand the struggles that 'good' men face with their sexuality.  Many men have a battle going on between their bodies and their minds.  Our society creates an atmosphere that sometimes makes it difficult for males to develop a healthy sense of their sexuality.  Boys are often not provided with adequate information or given a healthy explanation of the things that are going on in their young bodies.  Boys/men often struggle to make sense of the competing messages they see and hear from the media and society while trying to internalize their own desires.  Males need a non-condemning environment in which to develop and rid themselves of the guilt they feel from the competing messages.  

In the book How Can I Get Through to You? Closing the Intimacy Gap Between Men and Women, the author says that intimacy in today's world must be met with new skills.  Men must be empowered to connect in new ways.  Women need to use their voice to connect and speak their innermost feelings.  Strength comes from within and if our partner does not know what we are thinking or feeling then how can we build a true and strong relationship?  We cannot.  We have to heal the wounds and reconnect with our partner through effective and forthright communication.

Why does the world believe that we should not teach young men that it is OK to embrace their feelings?   Why does our culture (and many others) teach young men that they should show their emotions?  Why are young (and older) men viewed as weak if they show a caring emotional response?  What makes it OK for males to show their strength through violent or stand-offish behavior, masking loving actions?  For females, why does tenderness mean silence?  How is this strength?  

To me, strength is standing up for the things that we believe, not hiding behind a persona.  I believe that our culture is further along than we have been in past years but I believe that we still have a long way to go.   Thoughts?

Silenced

No person is your friend who demands your silence, or denies your right to grow. -Alice Walker

Silence about a thing just magnifies it.  -TENNESSEE WILLIAMS, Cat on a Hot Tin Roof

I am reading two books and I would like to share some thoughts about them.  These books are How Can I Get Through to You?: Closing the Intimacy Gap Between Men and Women and Lean In: Women, Work, and the Will to Lead.  Both of these books have one thing in common, how women are silent about many things that we should not be afraid to say.  Some of this silence is because of our own shortened self-confidence while some of it comes from stereotypical views of the world.  In the workplace, women tend to stand in the background holding us back from filling higher-ranking positions.  In our marriage, we silence ourselves because we feel as though we are unheard or overburdened. 

How Can I Get Through to You?: Closing the Intimacy Gap Between Men and Women contains some  straightforward advice for women (and men) regarding recapturing our marriages through effective communication.  Women need their emotional needs to be met by their spouse but often do not speak-up to tell their spouse what they truly need.  Healthy marriages are built upon a healthy foundation of communication and mutual respect; we must continually restore our marriage everyday in order to preserve the sanctity and relational intimacy of our relationship.  We must communicate authentically with our spouse in order to ensure that our marriage does not fall into a state of disrepair.  I know this on a personal level because I tend to stay silent when I should be sharing the deepest parts of me with my spouse.  I am silent because I am afraid and I was raised in a way that taught me that women should grin in bear it; this is not real life and we should not be silent just to keep the peace.

Lean In: Women, Work, and the Will to Lead speaks about the role women play in the workplace and how we tend to sit in the background and not use our voices for fear of criticism or being thought of as too direct.  Women are making great strides to break through the proverbial glass ceiling but we need to speak up more often to see the workplace culture change.  We have to do this for our daughters that will be moving into these positions in the future.  We have to speak up and realize that a passive attitude toward our career is unacceptable.  We have to ask the tough questions and demand that our voice be heard because we ARE qualified to share our opinions otherwise women will continue to go unheard. 

I share these thoughts because I personally struggle with that internal voice telling me that I am not good enough, not qualified, or not valued enough to speak up at home and in the workplace.  I need to continue to build my internal courage to tell myself that I can have those conversations that will build my marriage and my career.  I do not want to be silent anymore.  What are your thoughts?

  

Gone

It's not only children who grow.  Parents do too.  As much as we watch to see what our children do with their lives, they are watching us to see what we do with ours.  I can't tell my children to reach for the sun.  All I can do is reach for it, myself.  ~Joyce Maynard

It has been such a long time since I composed a blog entry…2011…that is TOO long!  This is my outlet for getting things off my chest and trying to understand life.  I have been very busy over the course of the last few years…graduated with two Bachelor’s degrees, working on my Master’s degrees, raising teenage girls, working, trying to ‘gel’ a family together, and just life in general.  In my down time, (if there is any) I just like to decompress and relax…or take a NAP!  The last few years have been more than hectic, at best, but I am hoping that 2014 brings some much-needed peace.

As a mother, I will always worry about my children no matter how old they get.  I want them to be successful and change the world.  The teen years (especially the upper teen years, from 16-19) are challenging because my role changes from caregiver to guide.  This has been a transition period for all of us and, at times, has been an enlightening experience for everyone.  I have learned (and am still learning) how to let go and allow them to make their own choices.  It has been the MOST difficult time for me, watching them make their own choices with little to no experience at life.  I try to guide and nurture without being too directive but I often fail.

I was once given advice to ‘throw stones in the water’ and allow them to make decisions based on my roundabout advice.  This means to ask them…what do you think about such-and-such and then let them do with it, as they will.  You see, by throwing the stone in the water we give a very small snippet of advice and allow the ripples to move away from the impact zone.  This allows them (the child/teen) to critically think about what you have said.  I think this was wise counsel because most of the time it has worked.

I have watched my children grow and blossom into varying stages of maturity.  It is difficult as a parent to allow the world to teach them the tough lessons in life and for them not to glean from your own experience.  I remember when I was their age I wanted to just be done with parents and try life on my own.  Some of the lessons were more difficult than others but I have learned from experience that parents always have their children’s best interests at heart.  Do not get me wrong, I am VERY proud of my children and I will always be their biggest fan but trying to guide them when they are not listening is very frustrating!  I still do not have it all figured out but I guess that if we are always open to being a student and to learn, we are on the right track!

Here’s to a great year in 2014 and to learning as we go along.