Secret

Oh, the comfort - the inexpressible comfort of feeling safe with a person - having neither to weigh thoughts nor measure words, but pouring them all right out, just as they are, chaff and grain together; certain that a faithful hand will take and sift them, keep what is worth keeping, and then with the breath of kindness blow the rest away. ~Dinah Craik, A Life for a Life, 1859

I like her because she smiles at me and means it. ~Anonymous

Someone to tell it to is one of the fundamental needs of human beings. ~Miles Franklin

When something is missing in your life, it usually turns out to be someone. ~Robert Brault

Once the realization is accepted that even between the closest human beings infinite distances continue, a wonderful living side by side can grow, if they succeed in loving the distance between them which makes it possible for each to see the other whole against the sky. ~Rainer Maria Rilke

You cannot be lonely if you like the person you're alone with. ~Wayne W. Dyer

How lucky I am to have something that makes saying goodbye so hard. ~From the movie Annie
I have been reading the book Secrets to Lasting Love by Gary Smalley trying to glean some tips on how to ensure that my new-found love will last a lifetime. I have no doubts that it will but I want to be equipped with the keys that will keep troubles at bay. I know that I have found the one that I will spend forever with and I feel safe in my relationship already. The book teaches skills that help couples reach a new level of intimacy that will withstand the highs and lows of life and will ensure that the marital bond is strong.

The key to this bond is strong and intimate communication skills. This journey of deeper levels of communication does involve opening ourselves up but this is done in a safe environment because once the end is reached the rewards far outweigh the risks involved. There are five levels of communication: speaking in clichés; sharing facts; sharing opinions; sharing feelings and sharing needs.

Speaking in cliché’s is something that we all do, surface talk. We talk about how we are doing. Sharing facts involves talking about the weather, what happed at work and anything that does not involved too much deep thinking or feelings. Sharing opinions is when we discuss personal opinions, concerns and expectations. The next level is when we share our deepest and truest feelings with each other. This level is when we feel safe enough to share our deepest emotions with one-another. Finally, sharing our most important needs is when we can share the most intimate part of ourselves and we can reveal what we need in relationships. This level shows that you feel valued and accepted by your mate.

Of course relationships change over time and we move in and out of these levels of communication but we have to ensure that we give each other loving attention at all times. I once read a book that equated relationships to a bank. We make deposits and withdrawals and we have to work at keeping our accounts fully funded and not drain them. We have to share our love because if not then our mate will forever wonder how we feel, never leave any good thing left unsaid. I already feel comfortable enough with my love to share how I feel with him. I am not afraid of what he might do with that nor am I afraid that he will take advantage of that. I fully trust him and know that he is the one that I have searched for my entire life.

Pieces

Sticks and stones are hard on bones
Aimed with angry art,
Words can sting like anything
But silence breaks the heart.
~Phyllis McGinley, "Ballade of Lost Objects," 1954


Assumptions are the termites of relationships. ~Henry Winkler

I felt it shelter to speak to you. ~Emily Dickinson

Let us be grateful to people who make us happy, they are the charming gardeners who make our souls blossom. ~Marcel Proust

There are times when two people need to step apart from one another, but there is no rule that says they have to turn and fire. ~Robert Brault

People change and forget to tell each other. ~Lillian Hellman


My girls and I used to spend hours putting together puzzles. The time that we spent together is priceless because we had great conversations and laughing together. We would spend hours taking the pieces out of the box, turning them all over onto the ‘color’ side and then put the picture together. Initially we would construct the outer pieces and then try to build inward from there. Throughout the process we not only constructed a beautiful picture but we also were building a new level of intimacy into our relationships. We discussed everything from adversity to relationships, school to zip drives and everything in between. These talks brought us closer together. While recalling these memories I began to think about the foundation that it laid for the future of our relationship. Today we rarely put a puzzle together but the relational connections remain.

While reading Gary Smalley’s book Secrets to Lasting Love I was reminded of the importance of emotional connections through several levels of communication. It is so vital to building great relationships and making connections in order to withstand the tides of life. Love can last forever if attention is given to constructing a solid foundation and putting the pieces together as you go.

I recently met a wonderful man and fell head-over-heels for him. He is truly someone who I am willing to embark on the journey of life with but at the same time reality has to be in the sights too. I know that our relationship will sometimes take more work than other times but if we build a solid foundation then we can withstand anything. I know that we have to construct the picture slowly and pay attention to the pieces and if we miss or loose a piece then the picture will be difficult to complete. I have no fear when facing this journey because I know that he will be fully committed to the journey too. I am walking into this with my eyes wide open but also with him in my heart. I know that I have found a treasure and the rewards will be more than I could ever have imagined. He has unlocked the pieces of my heart that had been lost and/or missing for a long time.

I am not rushing anything with him because I want everything to play out as God has planned it. I want to move geographically closer to him but I do so fully understanding that it will change our relationship in many ways. We will have the ability to see each other as often as we choose instead of long conversations on the phone we will have to learn to talk face-to-face. I believe that interacting with one another and adding our children into the mix is what we need to ensure that we are on the right path. At the same time we have to learn to communicate effectively and openly in order to make it work. Communication is the link to building a meaningful relationship so we have to walk through each stage in order to have a solid foundation.

Here is a good article about communication: Learning to Communicate

Mended

A hundred hearts would be too few
To carry all my love for you.
~Author Unknown

There is no fear in love. But perfect love drives out fear. ~1 John 4:18

You know when you have found your prince because you not only have a smile on your face but in your heart as well. ~Author Unknown

My love as deep; the more I give to thee,
The more I have, both are infinite.
~William Shakespeare

For twas not into my ear you whispered
But into my heart
Twas not my lips you kissed
But my soul
~Judy Garland

Have you ever met someone who you just knew was meant for you? Have you ever just felt in the pit of your stomach that this person was the one whom you were supposed to be with? This person was shaped and molded just for you? How about love at first sight? Is this a phenomenon that never happens or is it a reality? How about soul mates, is there such a thing? A few months ago I would have been very pessimistic in my responses to these questions. I did not think that there was such a thing as love at first sight; I did not believe in soul mates. I also never thought that it would happen to me either. I was wrong. There I said it….I WAS WRONG!

My perceptions were based upon relationships that took me hell and back. I have been cheated on, lied to, stolen from, mentally and physically abused. All of these things take a huge toll on one’s self-esteem and should not to mention the damage it does to the ability to trust and love others. I don’t talk about to enduring those things for pity but to admit that I now have a new outlook. My eyes have seen the man of my dreams, my soul mate. I opened my eyes this morning thinking about how very lucky I am to have found him because he is truly the love of my life. He is the most wonderful man that I have ever met. He is: affectionate, compassionate, caring, thoughtful, articulate, funny, loving and captivatingly handsome. He stole my heart the second that he put his arms around me and kissed me—made me weak in the knees!

I never imagined that I would be that person telling stories such as this. I could not have predicted or dreamed that I would be paired with such a perfect partner, but I was and am. Of course perfection is all dependent on perceptions but to me, HE IS perfect. We think the same thoughts, dream the same dreams and say the same words. He was made for me to love and I am so lucky to have found him!

Rascal Flatts has a song called Here, the lyrics are:

I know now, there's a million roads
I had to take
To get me in your arms this way

In a love I never thought
I'd get to get to
-here
And if that's the road
God made me take to be with you

And I'd relive all the years
And be thankful for the tears
I've cried with every stumbled step
That led to you and got
me here, right here

When I heard this song last week I thought about how difficult life has been sometimes but how very blessed I am now. He has mended my broken heart and restored the confidence that I had lost over the years. I have found my happy ending and I am so thankful that he came into my life; I am so excited about my future with him!