Limits/Boundaries

Limit:
-noun
*the final, utmost, or furthest boundary or point as to extent, amount, continuance, procedure, etc.: the limit of his experience; the limit of vision.


-verb (used with object)
*to restrict by or as if by establishing limits (usually fol. by to ): Please limit answers to 25 words.
*to confine or keep within limits: to limit expenditures.

Once we accept our limits, we go beyond them.~Albert Einstein

Boundary:
-noun, plural -ries.
*something that indicates bounds or limits; a limiting or bounding line.

Boundaries are to protect life, not to limit pleasures. ~Edwin Louis Cole


I finished the book Still Alice by Lisa Genova and began reading Partners in Love and Crime by Randy Hurlburt. The books are completely unrelated however the relationship factor in both of them made me think about limits and boundaries. Still Alice is about a Harvard Psychology professor with a blossoming career who is diagnosed with early-onset Alzheimer’s disease. The book Partners in Love and Crime is a book about the nature of romantic relationships. The main character in has a supportive and loving family built upon years of understanding and compassion. When she is diagnosed she is not the only one living with the disease, her husband and children have to walk the dark path of Alzheimer’s too. I will not tell you the end of the book (because it’s worth reading if you have not already) but the book shows how having a strong relationship with our partner can help us endure through the mountains and valleys of life.


The author of Partners of Love and Crime encourages us to build a strong foundation and bring extraordinary love into your life. He suggests that the underlying fear that their needs will not be met is the most compelling reason that people do not want to be in a committed relationship. We live by socially imposed rules that create a prison in our minds and a trap for our mate. The social rules sometimes conflict with our basic desires which tend to create unrealistic expectations in our relationships. The author explains how to balance our secret desires with freedom creating a connection with our mate that will continue to create excitement and closeness. Instead of imposing limits on our relationships we need to be open and share with our partners.


Of course there is a slight difference between limits and boundaries. Limits are restrictions whereas boundaries are lines that we will not cross. Limits bind us but boundaries keep us from accepting things that we cannot allow. We can push our limits but boundaries are lines that should not be crossed. For example, one of my boundaries in romantic relationships is lying. I will not accept being lied to because it makes me make decisions on incorrect information. I would rather hear the truth and work through the issue rather than being told half-truths or lies. Limits for me are things that stretch my comfort zone, things that I never considered and/or never thought of doing. I can easily test my comfort zone however crossing the boundaries is something that I cannot accept. Of course (as I always say) we all make mistakes and those things can be forgiven with time but if the offense is repeated it no longer becomes a mistake.