Persevere

Our lives are defined not by the challenges we encounter, but by how we respond to those challenges. - Jonathan Lockwood Huie

Circumstance does not make the man: it reveals him to himself. -James Allen

When life gives you a hundred reasons to cry, show life that you have a thousand reasons to smile. - Unknown

I always knew looking back on the tears would make me laugh, but I never knew looking back on the laughs would make me cry. - Unknown

I started reading (for the 3rd time) The On Purpose Person: Making your Life Make Sense by Kevin W. McCarthy. I have been drawn back to this book so many times and I take away something different each time I read it. If we forget what is driving us we tend to loose sight of the person that we are inside, as I wrote recently in my post Beauty. We get so wrapped up in the daily routine of life that we loose the passion for life. I think that for me I allow my passion to transfer from myself to others. I give away my joy and allow others to govern my happiness. In the opening chapter of the book the author talks about a man who became so wrapped up in the outer things of life that even though he seemed to have all of the success in the world all of it lost its luster and he became angry and depressed.

I am at a crossroads in my life. My oldest daughter is turning 18 soon; I will be finished with my degree(s) and I am becoming increasingly aware of my single-ness….meaning I am tired of it! I do not need someone to confirm who I am I want someone to acknowledge and appreciate the good qualities that I do possess. I don’t need them to give me passion because I have that too, I want someone to support and explore those things with me. I guess my fear in that is that it is somewhat intimidating to be vulnerable and put yourself out there since unending commitment is a thing of the past. I cannot go through another relationship disaster so finding a person that I trust enough to take down that road is daunting at best. I think that relationally I am healthy enough to say "no" to the one’s who just don’t fit the bill.

Now for the children….I love my children and will always be there for them but that relationship is changing quickly. Over time it has grown from dependency to guidance. They are all becoming beautiful young women and I hope that I can guide them into a fulfilling life but it is difficult to sit back and watch them experience the hard-knocks that life so often gives. I want to shelter them and take their pain but on the same side of that coin it is how the diamond is formed through friction and adverse conditions. I would not be the person that I am today without the hard times and I have learned to appreciate the tears as much as the smiles but to see someone that I love so dearly hurting is sometimes more than I can bare.

School? Well, it has been an incredible journey to challenge myself and get through it all. I am now unsure as to where I want to go from here. Do I want to continue into a Masters program? Am I satisfied where I will be when I am finished? What exactly do I want to or can I do with the degree(s) that I will have? I am quite sure that I do not want to remain living in this city so….do I pursue a job elsewhere before I am finished? Dare I move and uproot the children again? Is all of this just selfish thinking?

I guess standing at a crossroads is a place where we learn new things about ourselves. We grow and develop new qualities to share with the world. Adversity might push us to the crossroads but we could be standing there by choice too. In my ethics course several semesters ago the instructor talked at length about choices. He said that with every choice we make there are things that we did not choose and living with the collateral damage of that might be challenging. The thing with choices is what will you be gaining and/or giving up by taking that direction? Is the loss worth the gain? I guess that you cannot be afraid to loose the game in order to make the big win. Will taking a big leap land you on your feet or flat on your back? I guess that if passion drives those choices then you’ll land on your feet every time. If fear is the driving force then when that fear subsides where will you be?

The Road Not Taken
Robert Frost

Two roads diverged in a yellow wood,
And sorry I could not travel both
And be one traveler, long I stood
And looked down one as far as I could
To where it bent in the undergrowth;

Then took the other, as just as fair,
And having perhaps the better claim,
Because it was grassy and wanted wear;
Though as for that the passing there
Had worn them really about the same,

And both that morning equally lay
In leaves no step had trodden black.
Oh, I kept the first for another day!
Yet knowing how way leads on to way,
I doubted if I should ever come back.

I shall be telling this with a sigh
Somewhere ages and ages hence:
Two roads diverged in a wood, and I--
I took the one less traveled by,
And that has made all the difference.

Love

Love is a temporary madness. It erupts like an earthquake and then subsides. And when it subsides you have to make a decision. You have to work out whether your roots have become so entwined together that it is inconceivable that you should ever part. Because this is what love is. Love is not breathlessness, it is not excitement, it is not the promulgation of promises of eternal passion. That is just being "in love" which any of us can convince ourselves we are. Love itself is what is left over when being in love has burned away, and this is both an art and a fortunate accident. Your mother and I had it, we had roots that grew towards each other underground, and when all the pretty blossom had fallen from our branches we found that we were one tree and not two.
- Captain Corelli's Mandolin. Love is the beauty of the soul --St. Augustine

Journey

To live is so startling it leaves little time for anything else. ~Emily Dickinson

He who has a why to live can bear almost any how. ~Friedrich Nietzsche

Life: It is about the gift not the package it comes in. ~Dennis P. Costea, Jr.

I like her because she smiles at me and means it. ~Anonymous

Someone to tell it to is one of the fundamental needs of human beings. ~Miles Franklin

Soul-mates are people who bring out the best in you. They are not perfect but are always perfect for you. ~Author Unknown

You cannot be lonely if you like the person you're alone with. ~Wayne W. Dyer


I just finished the book The Shack and thoroughly enjoyed the journey. Not only did it take me to places that I have actually visited physically but it took me to places deep within my heart that were carrying hurts that needed to be exposed. In my eyes, life is a journey and we will never arrive at that perfect destination while on this earth. Perfection is a perception not a reality, being content where you are is something that makes each day worth living. When I wake up every morning I see that day as a gift and try to use as such. Tomorrow is not promised so leaving good things left unsaid might leave those you leave behind wondering. Life is what we make of it and there is NO perfect time, place, person, event…anything. It is all about living in the present and embracing each thing as it comes our way.

I was recently asked if I believed in soul mates….the romantic in me would love to believe that this is a reality but being the realist part of me finds it hard to believe. I would not say that I am a complete pessimist when it comes to romance and love but I can say that it is difficult for me to believe that one can run into someone and instantly know that they are the one for them. I believe that relationships are like structures, they are built over time and if they are not maintained then they will fall into ruin. The key to having a perfect mate is BEING a perfect mate. Relationships are not the warm fuzzy that you get in the beginning but the best part comes many years down the road when you have endured through the rough spots and trials.

Is it a foolish assumption to believe that someday I will find someone that will love me on purpose just because they think that I am great? I don’t think so; I think that it is foolish NOT to believe. I also believe that the person that will be that and more for me is out there but my patience is growing thin. I say this because all of my close friends are married and/or involved and have been for years. It is hard for me to show up and not be a little jealous of the things that they have. I miss companionship. I miss having someone to call when something great (or not-so-great) happens. I miss going to sleep and cuddling then waking up with someone beside me. Mind you, I miss these things but I will not settle this time. The person whom I choose to align my life with has to be THAT one who makes my heart skip a beat when I see him glance at me across the room.

I know that these things are possible because I sat outside a boy’s house when I was 15 with my best girlfriend many, many times. I used to hear about how much she loved him and hear how much she wanted to be with him. Of course I wanted to believe this was true and today I see that it IS true. They have 2 children and are still hopelessly in love with one another. I know that they have been through some rough times and wanted to call it quits but they endured. I have many friends that have been couples for years and faced the hard times head-on and remained committed no matter what. The anchor was the love (NOT the warm fuzzy) that they had for one another. Love is NOT a feeling but a VERB…it requires action. The instant click is great but that has to be nurtured and cultivated rather than taken for granted. All too often couples jump into a relationship head first, which is great but the binding force has to be commitment and genuine concern for the other’s feelings. If one never takes a chance then they will never find the fulfillment of a lasting relationship with a partner who enjoys similar things. Someday someone will whisper those three little words in my ear that will be my one-and-only until………

Thanksgiving

Wishing you time to reflect during this Thanksgiving season ~

Count your blessings instead of your crosses;
Count your gains instead of your losses.
Count your joys instead of your woes;
Count your friends instead of your foes.
Count your smiles instead of your tears;
Count your courage instead of your fears.
Count your full years instead of your lean;
Count your kind deeds instead of your mean.
Count your health instead of your wealth;
Count on God instead of yourself.

~~Author Unknown.~~

Acceptance

As the year draws to an end we all start thinking about new beginnings and resolve to make change in our lives. Many of us will set goals for the coming year, unreasonable goals. Goals are a great thing and I am not against making our lives better but what I think many of us do is pressure ourselves and when we fail we feel even worse. No matter if you want to take off those extra pounds or read a grocery-list of books you have to be realistic in order to succeed. Accepting and loving who you are is a great way to start.

With TV, movies and the internet we are bombarded with images that have the ability to make us feel physically inadequate if we feel a few pounds heavier than those images. Many of us have felt ‘unpretty’ at least once in our lives, how can we learn to be happy with who we are and excited about the person we look at in the mirror everyday?

• What IS pretty? Is pretty an image in the mirror or our inner character? I believe the latter is the correct choice. We live in a world that can be so ugly at times and making the world a better place by raising children who are quality people is a beautiful thing. We should focus our attention on our inner workings rather than worry if we will fit into our size 8 jeans—or whatever your ideal size might be.

• Learning to Love. Learning to love the person inside is easy to say but harder to do when you have spent years hating your image. After I had my 2nd child I had gained more weight than I might have wanted. Getting it off was impossible because I was working full-time while trying to be a wife and mother. Gym-time was the farthest thing from my mind.

What is your ‘yardstick’ that you measure yourself against? Are you looking at images on TV? Magazines? Or are you looking at the quality of your life? Do you measure yourself by the ‘stuff’ in your life or by the ‘stuff’ inside of your skin? How are the relationships in your life? Do you measure your worth by how many friends you have or by the quality of the friends that are in your life? What will be your heritage when you’re no longer on this earth? Will you leave behind a lot of meaningless clutter or will you leave behind character and integrity that others will want to follow?

This year resolve to accept yourself for who you are and love that person within before you set-out to do anything else. Try to wake up every morning and learn something new. Try to be a better person everyday and live your life from the inside out.