Really!?

I am reading the book Act Like a Lady / Think Like a Man by Steve Harvey…I think that every man, woman and child should read this book. Well, let me rephrase that a bit…I think that every single woman should read this book. Why? Because it gives some inside information to women, from a man’s perspective. You-see I have not been single in many, many (many?) years so this is all new to me. When I WAS single there were no rules…or at least I don’t think that there were? Apparently there are some unwritten rules these days, rules that are a bit hard to follow if you ask me! You are not supposed to talk about the ‘ex’ and you are supposed to let them know your expectations right up front.

HELLO?

I want to know about the ex because that tells me something about YOU AND I am all about expectations BUT should that not come at a later date? When you lay all of that out there initially (no matter how subtle it might be) does it not make them thing that you’re thinking future? I am all for planning a future but should I not know your character first? Yes, I am up for letting them know that I like to have doors opened for me and you better respect me but is that not something you should do anyway? Should a man not respect a woman (and visa versa)?

I am really big on integrity so sometimes I might say things that I should not say for the sake of putting it out there and just for the sake of being honest. I am ME and that’s all I know how to be so sometimes I can be politically incorrect…SORRY!? I can wake up in the morning and look at myself in the mirror and like the person I am. SO, if I like the person I am with then I want them to know that I am open and honest…at ALL times! If I break the ‘rules’ and if you’re offended you should move on? I don’t know maybe this will keep me out of the ‘keeper’ pool but I guess loneliness is better than living with a cheater and a liar in my book! I might be the lonely cat lady when I am old but at least my kitties will not lie or cheat!

Today I picked up the book He’s Just Not That Into You by Greg Behrendt and Liz Tuccillo. It used to be so simple but now you have to watch for mixed messages and try to figure out why men make so many excuses. I guess that in reality we all need to stop worrying if he’s into us and learn to love ourselves without a man! I think that one of the most attractive qualities about a person is self-confidence and if you’re constantly stepping on your own toes wondering if you’re saying or doing the right thing how can you be self-confident? I think that it either will or will not happen no matter how hard you try to MAKE it happen. One day he will wake up next to you and wonder who you are…is that what you want? I know that I don’t! I want to be ME up front and in the beginning so that the person knows exactly what he’s signed up for. No more wondering if he didn’t call because he’s actually has another girl on the side and no more worrying if he’s going to call and ask me out. It simply IS or it IS not!? I do not think that any amount of worrying or putting up a façade for a date is going to get me the man of my dreams…is it?? Cause if it is then he’s going to have to learn to like me for who I am and not the mask I wear! I know I have some great qualities to offer and if the guy cannot see them then I guess he can just move ON!?

Hope

Hope is faith holding out its hand in the dark. ~George Iles

Some see a hopeless end, while others see an endless hope. ~Unknown

The pessimist sees difficulty in every opportunity. The optimist sees the opportunity in every difficulty. ~Winston Churchill

If you lose hope, somehow you lose the vitality that keeps life moving, you lose that courage to be, that quality that helps you go on in spite of it all. And so today I still have a dream. ~Martin Luther King, Jr.
Hope is that thing with feathers that perches in the soul and sings the tune without the words and never stops -- at all. ~Emily Dickinson

Once you choose to hope, anything's possible. ~Christopher Reeve

Hope never abandons you -- you abandon it. ~George Weinberg

Now faith is the substance of things hoped for, the evidence of things not seen ~Heb.11:1

Monday’s frustrate me. I am not sure if it’s because it is the beginning of a week or the end of the weekend or the combination of the two. Today is especially difficult because I did not want this weekend to end because I had an exciting but relaxing time with friends and even met some new people. The single life is growing on me but at the same time do I hope to find someone who can be my companion? Of course, hope is always there. I did a web search about quotes about hope and came up with millions of hits; I chose a few of my favorites (above). After doing my search I started to think about what hope is to me….then I went to dictionary.com to see the literal meaning. It told me that it is defined as a feeling from which expectations are centered and a reasonable confidence that something we desire will come to volition at some point in our future AND it is something we place our trust in. To me all of this wraps hope up into one neat little package and tells me that someday I will no longer have hope for a partner but hope to spend the rest of my life WITH that partner.

My wondering about hope came after reading an article on Oprah.com called How Can You Tell Who the Right Person is for You? By Amy Bloom. After reading this article I began to think about the possibility of me moving too quickly in the past—hence the failures. I am the type of person who wears their heart on their sleeve and I have unending loyalty….until. I can be hurt over-and-over yet still endure at the expense of my own emotional well-being. I do not say this because I am looking for sympathy but because I am constantly on a road of self-discovery. I want to know why I do things and how to break the constant cycle and to know and appreciate myself. I think that in my immediate past relationship I allowed too many boundaries to be invaded and crossed. I expected too much without considering the character compared to their history. Of course we all want to believe that Cinderella gets swept up on Prince Charming's white horse and rides off into the sunset but I am a realist here….not going to happen! There is NO perfect relationship but there is a perfect relationship for everyone. This is the basic premise of the article and my thoughts about holding onto hope.

One of my favorite movies is Pretty Woman. This is the ultimate tale of hope in the modern world. Vivian is picked up by a filthy rich man in his borrowed Lotus Esprit, eventually riding off into the sunset in his limo to live happily ever after. Do I believe that things like this happen? Of course I do, being the hopeless romantic that I am I cannot NOT believe it. Do I think that they lived happily ever after without any issues….UM, as I said, I am a realist and I would say absolutely NOT in a million years could a relationship NEVER have problems. I think that my biggest issue in a new relationship is the uncertainty of it all. Do they like my hair, do they like my smile, what do they think of my character….and so on. I have been with men who tell you like it is from day one and then I have been with some who constantly keep you guessing. I think that my happy place is somewhere in the middle. At times it is good to be guessing but at the same time you do not want to guess to the point of not knowing where you stand. Everyone needs to feel somewhat secure even in the beginning of a relationship.

Now I am not asking for an instant proposal because I know that I am not emotionally ready for that. I am looking for someone who I can spend some time with, laugh with and feel that they want to do the same with me—just to see where things go. I want someone to be open and honest no matter what! I am an analyzer and (as I said previously) I tend to wear my heart on my sleeve which sometimes is not a good combination. I can have a very strong personality but inside I am a quiet and shy, old-fashioned girl. Don’t get me wrong I LOVE to have fun as much as the next girl but I also love to have a nice peaceful evening at home watching a great movie, cuddling on the couch within the wrapped in the glow of candles. Where does my hope begin and end? I think that it begins with the thought that there is NO perfect mate and that finding the RIGHT mate is BEING the best mate. My hope lies in the possibility of being with someone who will treasure me (most days!) and be there no matter what. I am NOT perfect and I do not expect anyone to be but I do expect someone who tells me the truth (even when it hurts) AND who will be faithful. My hope comes from a place in me that knows that there IS someone out there who will be that for me and who will appreciate me for my great qualities and for my shortcomings. I live in reality here so I know that these things take time but I can still wake up everyday thinking that someday it WILL happen! Hope brings substance to the future! I heard on the radio this morning that we were once rocks but your presence made us stars….a rock is just a star waiting to glow.