Monday, July 20, 2009

Promise


Promises are the uniquely human way of ordering the future, making it predictable and reliable to the extent that this is humanly possible. ~Hannah Arendt

This morning I was out for my run and listening to my IPod when the song by When in Rome (The Promise) started to play. The all to familiar piano began to play and then the words…When you need a friend, don’t look to a stranger….began to ring in my ears. After all of the turmoil that has happened in recent months/days I started to really think about what a promise means to me. Of course the textbook definition is that you are giving someone assurance that their expectations are based upon and telling them that something will be done. It gives someone the assurance that they can expect things from you in the future. Naturally, this is all based upon the trust that has been built within the relationship and if the trust is eroded away then it is difficult to base anything on simple words that are spoken in the wind.

I heard recently that people will show you who they are—believe them the first time. This says to me that you should base your trust on how people act rather than the words they speak. I am the type of person that trusts from the onset of a relationship and as time goes along either the trust is eroded away or it is built stronger. Trust is the foundation of relationships, with that everything else seems to fall into place. When trust is compromised then it is hard to truly have a meaningful relationship. Trust is something that is also very complex when it is broken. When you breech someone’s trust in you then you have to be open to being untrusted and questioned when they don’t quite believe you. Romantically trust is essential when in mixed-company. I am not at all against my man having a relationship with another female but if I do not feel secure in our commitment then it is hard to find the trust that is needed to feel assured that nothing will happen.

I guess when you have your heart broken and your trust repeatedly trampled it makes one skeptical about what the meaning of the relationship truly was. Does one believe the words that are spoken or do you trust what your eyes have seen? Do you simply forgive and forget or can’t you be allowed to feel hurt and anger for wrongdoings? It is OK to question when trust is broken but when your partner feels as though they have done nothing wrong then you have to question their true feelings. I think that true feelings are born out of complete honestly and openness at all times. People are faulty and do make mistakes but when they are not willing to admit and discuss then they have alterer motives. Some people do not have the governor in their brain to feel guilt because their self-righteousness gets in the way. For others it is just easier to move on to a new and fresh relationship rather than endure the difficulties of repairing the damage. Either way it is taking the easy way out. If you constantly take the easy way then your relationships will always be shallow and meaningless. Personally, I want a relationship that will endure the test of time and when the heat is on instead of running for cooler pastures it stands the test of time. When problems arise I want to circle the wagons and bring them close to me rather than hold them at a distance!

My whole motive for writing this blog was about my own commitment and how when I say that I will do something I will follow through. When I make a promise I keep it no matter what. I have learned over the years that people are way more appreciative when you say that you cannot rather than if you say you can but don’t follow through. I base my relationships upon the actions and commitment TO those actions…that’s how the foundation is made solid! I think that when I was a child it was difficult for me to understand that and I used to say ‘yes’ to everyone. I learned some valuable lessons the hard way….never doing that again! I have to learn to stop being so gullible because it has gotten my heart broken one too many times. I think that you can love someone but not give them everything up front. Take it slow….learn their character….watch how they act….READ their history! It’s the dawning of a new day for me, standing at the crossroads waiting to take that first step. Granted right now they will be slow and controlled but I will step out on that limb again….and be a smarter, stronger person because of the lessons learned in the school of hard knocks!

Wednesday, July 15, 2009

Dance


--Unknown

Have you ever watched kids

On a merry-go-round?

Or listened to the rain

Slapping on the ground?

Ever followed a butterfly's erratic flight?

Or gazed at the sun into the fading night?

You better slow down.

Don't dance so fast.

Time is short.

The music won't last.

Do you run through each day

On the fly?

When you ask How are you?

Do you hear the reply?

When the day is done

Do you lie in your bed

With the next hundred chores

Running through your head?

You'd better slow down

Don't dance so fast.

Time is short.

The music won't last.

Ever told your child,

We'll do it tomorrow?

And in your haste,

Not see his sorrow?

Ever lost touch,

Let a good friendship die

Cause you never had time

To call and say,'Hi'

You'd better slow down.

Don't dance so fast.

Time is short.

The music won't last.

When you run so fast to get somewhere

You miss half the fun of getting there.

When you worry and hurry through your day,

It is like an unopened gift....

Thrown away.

Life is not a race.

Do take it slower

Hear the music

Before the song is over.

Monday, July 13, 2009

Time


It's Time to Change
Trixie Asirvatham

Change is exciting, but the unknown can be frightening too.
Familiar faces and things have a reassuring quality to them.
Fear of the unknown can make even a good change (like a job promotion or a trip abroad) a potential source of stress. The thing to do is to recognise that change is a fact of life, and to learn to look at change positively and constructively. Change happens. It's how you respond that matters. As with all things, the choice is up to you.

I step into the future
Don't know what's in store
I'll be walking new pathways
Learning more
Meeting new faces,
Making new friends,
The time has come to move on,
It's time to change.

It's hard to leave the things you know and understand
And set out on a journey on unfamiliar land
It's hard to leave old friends behind and walk away,
But the time has come to move on, it's time to change.

But my friends are a part of me,
A part of my personality,
Always there to guide me
Wherever I happen to be
The past leaves its mark on me,
And makes me the person I am
And the good things go with me
When it's time to change.

The seasons turn
And the years move on
Nothing ever stands still
Changing day by day,,,
Good wishes go with me
And speed me on towards the sun
The time has come to move on,
It's time to change.

The seasons turn, and the years move on,
Nothing ever stands still, changing day by day
Good wishes go with me
And speed me on towards the sun
The time has come to move on,.
It's time to change.

Change for the better?
Change for the worse?
Who can tell it better…
It's for me to make it work
The sun is up and shining
And there's a rainbow in the sky
I'm going to find my pot of gold,
It's time to change.
It's time to change, It's time to change,
The time has come to move on,
it's time to change.

Friday, July 10, 2009

Treasure


If a man wants you, nothing can keep him away.

If he doesn't want you, nothing can make him stay.

Stop making excuses for a man and his behavior.

Allow your intuition (or spirit) to save you from heartache.

Stop trying to change yourselves for a relationship that's not meant to be.

Slower is better.

Never live your life for a man before you find what makes you truly happy.

If a relationship ends because the man was not treating you as you deserve then heck no, you can't 'be friends.' A friend wouldn't mistreat a friend. Don't settle. If you feel like he is stringing you along, then he probably is.

If a man really loves you he will never do anything to make you cry.

Don't stay because you think 'it will get better.' You'll be mad at yourself a year later for staying when things are not better.

The only person you can control in a relationship is you.

Avoid men who've got a bunch of children by a bunch of different women.

He didn't marry them when he got them pregnant, Why would he treat you any differently?

Avoid men who keep a very tight relationship with the ex I promise this will become a problem in the long run.

If your man has a lot of female friends I guarantee they are not all just friends.

Always have your own set of friends separate from his.

Maintain boundaries in how a guy treats you.

If something bothers you, speak up.

Never let a man know everything. He will use it against you later.

You cannot change a man's behavior. Change comes from within.

Don't EVER make him feel he is more important than you are...even if he has more education or in a better job. Do not make him into a quasi-god.

He is a man, nothing more nothing less.

Never let a man define who you are.

Never borrow someone else's man.

Oh Lord!? If he cheated with you, he'll cheat on you.

If you caught him cheating once he will do it again or has never stopped.

Cheating is Cheating

A man will only treat you the way you ALLOW him to treat you.

All men are NOT dogs.



You should not be the one doing all the bending...compromise is a two-way street.

You need time to heal between relationships..........there is nothing cute about baggage... deal with your issues before pursuing a new relationship You should never look for someone to COMPLETE you...a relationship consists of two WHOLE individuals...look for someone complimentary...not supplementary.
Dating is fun...even if he doesn't turn out to be Mr. Right.

Make him miss you sometimes...when a man always know where you are, and your always readily available to him- he takes it for granted.

Don't fully commit to a man who doesn't give you everything that you need.

Trust me; there is someone out there that will.

Keep him in your radar, but get to know others.

Share this with other ladies..... You'll make someone SMILE, another RETHINK her choices and another woman PREPARE.

They say it takes a minute to find a special person, an hour to appreciate them, a day to love them and an entire lifetime to forget them. And Remember if he doesn't appreciate you, he doesn't deserve you

Pass this on to at least 10 women and 5 men.
BY THE WAY, THIS WAS WRITTEN BY A MAN, SO TAKE A HINT..............

Sunday, July 5, 2009

Independence



Freedom is not merely the opportunity to do as one pleases; neither is it merely the opportunity to choose between set alternatives. Freedom is, first of all, the chance to formulate the available choices, to argue over them -- and then, the opportunity to choose. --C. Wright Mills

Yesterday was the day that America celebrated its independence from being ruled by another country. In 1776 the Founding Fathers came up with the plan to ensure that we had the ability to pursue liberty, peace and happiness within the boundaries of this great nation. Independence is defined by Dictionarycom as: the freedom from control, influence, support, aid or the like of others; a competency. Freedom is not merely the ability to do whatever you want but the ability to choose not to be controlled by anyone or anything but within limits.

I began to contemplate freedom this weekend because I am venturing out and learning to be on my own again. I was married for 15 years and then jumped straight into a 2-year relationship with no time in-between. As a Social Psychology major I should understand the importance of healing myself and learning to live as a whole person before pursuing a romantic relationship. I say this because for the past several years I have been under the control and influence of another. I have depended on others to supply my self-worth and give me my self-confidence. I (again) have lost control of myself and allowed others to dictate what I would do, how it was to be done and with whom. I have gotten the chance to get out and meet some new friends and be with long-time friends over the past few days and it feels good to be cared-for just because I am me. I cannot allow others to have control of the things that I value nor can I allow long-standing boundaries to be crossed. I cannot compromise my soul for a cup of soup.

As I mentioned I am a Social Psychology major on the verge of getting my BS degree. This week we are studying Gestalt and Existential therapies, both of which teach a person to live an authentic life and constantly seek inward approval rather than rely on external sources for approval. It is easy to desensitize ourselves and allow ourselves to compromise our true selves for the sake of another’s attention and/or admiration. I know that I am a strong woman and I have endured many hardships in my life but never have I allowed the simple values and relational needs to fall by the wayside. I demand to be nurtured, treasured, respected and cared for and if someone cannot do that for me then they are not the person that I need in my life. Some things in relationships are minor and can be negotiated but others are deal-breakers--respect and genuine caring are non-negotiable.

I personally hate being alone but I am an only child so many of my days were spent alone. I am not used to the silence and quiet of loneliness but I think that it is necessary in order for me to understand who I am again in order to hear and trust my inner voice. I want to learn how to be in a relationship that is genuine. I want to learn to love myself and value my great qualities rather than handing the responsibility over to another. There are some great people in my life and I know that someday there will be a special partner for me too. Will I date and explore new relationships? Of course. I will also take things slowly, being cautious to see where things go rather than forcing something that did not have a chance to grow its own.

I also have to think about the collateral damage that my choices have. I have three girls who are my life and always will be. I cannot raise my girls to see that relationships are something that you depend on for your self-worth. I want my girls to be strong, independent women who have the ability to show love and compassion but also not compromise their standards for the sake of being with someone. I love them too much to allow them to learn things the wrong way only to find-out later in life through heartache and pain. I want to be an example to them that is willing to admit that I have not done the right thing and show them that people are fallible but have the ability to learn from their mistakes.

In conclusion, freedom to me (at almost 40) is not about being a free-spirit but being free within my spirit. I can love, have compassion, think and do things within my own ability but respect the boundaries that have been in place for many years. There are people who can respect that and love me for the person that I am not for who they need me to be. I want to be valued and supported but I also want to be appreciated and cherished too. I am a great person with uncompromising integrity and boat-loads of love to give to the right person who can do the same!

Saturday, July 4, 2009

Found


Find a guy who calls you beautiful instead of hot, who calls you back when you hang up on him, who will lie under the stars and listen to your heartbeat, or will stay awake just to watch you sleep... wait for the boy who kisses your forehead, who wants to show you off to the world when you are in sweats, who holds your hand in front of his friends, who thinks you' re just as pretty without makeup on. One who is constantly reminding you of how much he cares and how lucky he is to have YOU... The one who turns to his friends and says, thats her...

UNKNOWN

NEW WEBSITE!!

I finally did it, I have my OWN domain and website.  This blog will remain open but I will be moving content over to the new website and add...